


Anthony Bridgerton's love story

by FlorG88



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29131959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlorG88/pseuds/FlorG88
Summary: Anthony Bridgerton's story after Bridgerton 1x08. Based on the characters of The Viscount Who Loved Me - Julia Quinn
Relationships: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sheffield, Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Basset
Comments: 19
Kudos: 176





	1. Meeting the future Viscountess

When Kate Sheffield entered the room, after walking Newton, her corgi dog, her half-sister Edwina was giggling.

"Is it Viscount Bridgerton again?" Kate asked while sitting on the sofa. Not even a minute passed before Newton was sitting on her feet.

"Bridgerton?" Mary Sheffield asked. She was Edwina's mother and Kate's stepmother for nearly eighteen years.

"That rakish viscount that Lady Whistledown always writes about," Kate answered.

"She does write about other people," Edwina said.

For a moment, the smile in Kate's disappeared.

"She shouldn't have written about your dress", Edwina said when she noticed the change in her face. Kate forced a smile.

"I don't mind. I couldn't feel insulted when the only thing a gossip column has to say about me, is how bad I looked in a particular dress," Kate said. She didn't want to worry Mary or Edwina. She wasn't lying. It wasn't what Lady Whistledown wrote about her that was upsetting her and even though Kate loved both so much, there were some things she wouldn't share with them.

"That was my fault. I'm so sorry. I should not have doubted my own judgment and listen to that shopgirl," Mary said.

"As we can all agree that Lady Whistledown is almost always right, Viscount Bridgerton is not the sort of man Edwina ought to allow to court her," Kate said.

"You are enjoying a season as well and we haven't met the man in question," Mary said and Kate shot Mary a sarcastic glance.

"Every gentleman that has approached me was only interested in my approval," Kate said.

"Your approval?" Mary asked.

"That's completely my fault. I might have announced at the Smythe-Smith musicale that I could not marry without my sister's approval," Edwina said.

"Edwina!" Mary exclaimed.

"Don't be mad at her. I like to feel useful and I don't mind the responsibilities that come from being the Incomparable's older sister. Besides, we know Edwina is too kind to make someone feel rejected. Those poor men who might have been educated to believe that women are used to play hard to get, need my honesty to remind them that they are not good enough for her," Kate said.

Edwina couldn't help but laughing.

"Will I ever see the day when you see fit to restrain yourself?" Mary asked.

"I'd like to think that when Edwina finds someone she likes, someone good enough for her, who sweeps her off her feet, I'll find it in myself the ability not to make him feel rejected," Kate answered.

"I am going upstairs. You girls may want to get a bit of rest before we go to the party. Who knows who we may meet there," Mary said trying to change the subject.

"Maybe we'll meet Lady Whistledown. I'm sure she hasn't met Kate yet. Anyone that knew her would have far more interesting things to write about her," Edwina said.

"I don't think that was what Mary was implying," Kate said and Mary rolled her eyes before leaving the room.

"What should we wear tonight?" Edwina asked Kate as soon as they were alone.

"Anything but white. Last week Mr. Berbrooke told me you looked like an angel in white. I disapproved him in every possible way, but I'm not sure he understood me. I'm not even sure he has a brain. I wouldn't want him to even imagine that you're wearing white because of him," Kate answered.

"I'm so sorry you have to deal with him cause of me," Edwina said.

"Don't tell this to Mary, I don't want her to think that I'm jealous, but I actually enjoy being mean to all of your beaux, so you'd better tell me who is the one for you, as soon as you know it," Kate said.

"Sometimes I think you hate men and don't even want to marry," Mary said.

"Shall I ever marry, it will be for love. I don't think I could survive any other kind of marriage but I know I could live to be an old maid," Kate said with a smile in her face. It wasn't that bad being single. She knew what a loveless marriage could do to a person and she wouldn't wish that to anyone.

"I can't imagine you as an old maid but I suppose it's harder for me to imagine a gentleman good enough for you," Mary said.

"What about you? Can you imagine a gentleman good enough for you?" Kate asked.

"Yes. A scholar. I'd like to marry a scholar," Edwina said. Kate thought it might be difficult to find her a scholar here, but she didn't say it.

Meanwhile, it was a little more crowded in the Bridgerton House. The Duke and Duchess of Hastings were there with their son visiting their family.

"I see you two don't lose your time," Anthony, the Bridgerton Viscount said looking at her sister's belly.

"Talking about time, I haven't imagined it could take you so long to find a Viscountess despite having have removed love from the equation," Daphne said.

Anthony knew she was right. He wasn't getting any younger. "I've been busy, protecting my sisters from not good enough suitors," he said.

"I don't remember asking for your protection. Also, I like it better when you are the centre of attention. Maybe we should focus on finding your viscountess. Do you have anyone in mind or would you prefer we choose from you? Not that I want to choose from you. Perhaps Daphne is up to the job, after all, you found her a match in Mr. Berbrooke," Eloise said and Anthony shot her a sarcastic glance.

"What about the diamond of this season?" the Duke of Hastings asked changing the subject.

"Edwina Sheffield. You can usually spot her by the crowd of suitors following her about," Benedict said.

"Has she a brain?" Anthony asked.

"Have you?" Eloise asked. She couldn't help it but she regretted as soon as she did and she started coughing to give herself time to think how to get out of it. "Have you any other requirements?" She corrected herself. But it was too late. Benedict, Simon and Daphne were already laughing and Anthony was looking at her with an angry face.

"Is everyone ready?" Lady Bridgerton asked as she entered the room.

"Anthony seems quite ready to settle down," Daphne shared with her mother.

"Tonight he might ask the diamond of this season to dance with him," Benedict said.

"Oh! I see. Maybe he will have to dance with more than one Miss Sheffield. I heard she won't marry without her sister approval," Lady Bridgerton said.

"That's interesting," Benedict said.

"That makes no sense," Anthony said.

"Indeed. How can a woman's decision to marry depend on anyone but herself? Oh... Or did you just mean how can it depend on another woman?" Eloise asked Anthony with a sarcastic smile and he rolled his eyes at her. He couldn't help but wonder if he'll live long enough to see her married.

….

The evening was quite not as Kate would have imagined. It all seemed like a bad dream. She was talking with Mary, Benedict Bridgerton and the Duke of Hastings. While they were talking, Kate was watching her sister dance with Viscount Bridgerton, the rake. Mary was looking at them with such a face that anyone may guess that she was planning a wedding in her mind. Kate didn't like the idea of Mary even dreaming of such a wedding, but at least, that meant she wasn't paying attention to the conversation. Kate wasn't on a good mood and she wasn't exactly restraining herself. Well, considering her mood maybe she was restraining herself a little. Even when the gentlemen started laughing and Kate could feel everyone was staring at them, Mary was still focused on something else.

Anthony's evening was supposed to be like he had imagined. He was dancing with Edwina Sheffield. She was perfect to be the next Viscountess Bridgerton. She was attractive, she did have a brain, and he would never fall in love for her. Everything was perfect until he heard his brother and his brother-in-law laughing. He couldn't help but look their way, like most of the people in the room and while everyone was looking at them, they were looking at him. They were with Lady Sheffield. The only person in that group whose attitude he didn't' mind. She was looking at them, with that face mothers have when they are thinking there is a wedding on the way. Normally, that would worry him but this was not the case. What worried him was the other person in the group who was staring at them with not exactly a happy face. She was probably the reason Benedict and Simon were laughing while looking at him. She had to be Edwina's sister. Even if they didn't look much alike, he was sure of it. Was he really supposed to charm her?

"Is that perhaps your sister, Miss Sheffield?" Anthony couldn't help but asking.

"Yes, that's Kate, my dearest sister. Could that be your brother?" Edwina asked trying to avoid thinking in her pretty much expressive sister's face.

"Yes, indeed," he answered.

…

Later that night, when Kate was as much alone as someone could be in a room full of people, she noticed Mr. Berbrooke walking towards her. She started walking away and despite the fact that she walked as if she were in a race, Mr. Berbrooke was getting closer.

"I believe I had reserved this next dance with you, Miss Sheffield," Benedict said rescuing her from Mr. Berbrooke presence.

"I believe I may owe you a favour," Kate answered, regretting her words as soon as she said them.

"Well then I believe it's imperative that I introduce you to my brother," Benedict said.

"Oh! I'd be delighted to meet your brother once he has returned from his journey. He was in Greece, wasn't he? I'm sure he'll have so many interesting things to share about his experience there," Kate answered referring to their last conversation when Benedict was talking about his brother Colin.

"You do know I've more than one brother," Benedict answered.

"Yes, indeed. I know. I guess Gregory, despite his age, might have some interesting things to tell me, then," Kate answered but truly it was too late. She hadn't realised that they've been walking towards him. Benedict was good. He was about to get what he wanted.

When the Viscount turned around as Benedict called for him, Kate became stiff.

"Miss Sheffield, my brother Anthony, Viscount Bridgerton. Anthony, Miss Katharine Sheffield. I believe you made the acquaintance of her sister earlier this evening," Benedict said. For a moment, there was only silence. Kate couldn't possibly name what she was feeling. Could it be that she was feeling nervous? She didn't like the feeling. She liked being in control, and there she was, stiff as a rock. What was wrong with her?

"Lord Bridgerton," she finally said, "it is an honor to make your acquaintance." Benedict's hand was suddenly covering his mouth or more likely his laugh. When he felt Miss Sheffield and his brother staring at him, he became serious. Anthony felt he might have to kill his brother.

"Miss Sheffield, you are as lovely as your sister," Anthony said and he knew it was a mistake the second he saw Miss Sheffield's face. It was fast, but he would swear she rolled her eyes at him. And then, there was it, the biggest fake smile he had ever seen.

"Miss Sheffield? Are you alright?" Benedict asked.

"Excuse me, I might have exhausted my quota of polite lies of the day when Lord Bridgerton seems to have just only started," Kate said and Benedict snorted.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked.

"He's fine, for now," Anthony said.

"I might need a glass of lemonade, but I had reserved this next dance with you, Miss Sheffield and I could not live with myself were I to leave you unattended. Anthony, you're not engaged for this dance, are you?" Benedict asked. Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing. Why had she walked away from Mr. Berbrooke? It couldn't have gone worse than this. Kate looked at the Viscount. He was staring at his brother but he wasn't saying a word. She needed to stop this or run away. It wasn't that she was a coward. It was just an awkward situation. Yes, that was it. It was a matter between brothers and she needed to give them space. So maybe she could just walk away, one step at a time. And so she did. One step back. Two steps back, but that was it.

"Miss Sheffield," Lord Bridgerton said without even looking her way. Could he have eyes on his back?

"Lord Bridgerton," Kate said.

"Were you going somewhere?" he asked, still not looking at her.

"Yes, I was going for the lemonade. Would you like me to fetch you a glass?" Kate asked. He didn't know what he wanted. Or maybe he did. He wanted to kill his brother, but not in front of so many people. He didn't want to dance with her. He was sure she didn't want to dance with him. But he couldn't just let her have what she wanted. He couldn't let her leave. He would like to say that it was because he was planning to marry her sister and he needed her approval but he wasn't intending to do anything to get it. It was something else. He was competitive and he wasn't going to lose, not to Miss Sheffield. It was a matter of pride.

"We should dance," Anthony said still not looking at her.

"Oh. I see. Then, I shall leave you to it" Kate said while turning away ready to run. But that was it. Lord Bridgerton grabbed her arm and practically dragged her onto the ballroom floor.

"There was no need to drag me," she said knowing she will have to dance with him. And that she did.

"Why do you hate me?" He asked her while dancing.

"I don't hate you," Kate said.

"I wouldn't have taken you for a coward," Anthony said.

"You are not the sort of man I would wish my sister to marry," Kate said.

"What sort of man would I be?" Anthony asked.

"Don't you know? I wish I was not the one to tell you, but apparently you are the sort of man that is known for being a rake," Kate said and Anthony couldn't help but laugh.

"Will you stop, my lord?" she whispered urgently. "People are starting to stare."

"That has nothing to do with my laughing. It's not often a man such as I dances with a woman such as you," Anthony said and Kate couldn't help it.

"I have to return you the favour, I hope you do understand. What sort of woman would a woman such as me be?" Kate asked even though she knew the answer.

"Don't you know? Apparently, you are the sort of woman that doesn't dance with a rake," Anthony said and she started laughing. For a moment, she forgot he was supposed to hate him.

"Why is it your place to decide Edwina's fate?" Anthony finally asked and Kate raised her eyebrows.

"Decide my sister's fate? Are you perhaps projecting your mistakes on me? I would never push my sister to do anything against her wishes," Kate said. Why couldn't she restrain herself? Anthony suddenly turned his face to who Kate have guessed was his sister.

"Is that Eloise?" Kate asked. "I haven't met her yet. But I'm sure I'll like her to be my friend," Kate said. She didn't want him to blame her sister for her mistakes.

"How do you?" Anthony asked.

"How do I?" Kate asked back.

"I thought we've agreed that you were not a coward. How do you know?" Anthony asked again.

"You are not first one that dances with me wishing to court my sister," Kate said and Anthony understood where she was going to.

"He wouldn't!" he exclaimed.

"Wouldn't he? Wouldn't he want me to notice that I, a mere nobody from Somerset, didn't consider him good enough to call him brother while Viscount Bridgerton did?" Kate asked.

"Well, I bet he didn't want you to know why I'm not calling him brother," Anthony answered.

"He did not. I wouldn't have expected him to do so. Just as I won't expect you to tell me how you could in the first place find him suitable for your sister because you see, I can't even imagine a woman, let alone my sister, marrying that particular person," Kate said but Anthony stayed quiet.

"Nothing to say? Should we agree that you're the coward then?" Kate asked.

"Not a coward, just a human that makes mistakes," Anthony said.

"Well, I cannot tease you about that," Kate said smiling. This time it wasn't a fake smile and Anthony found there was something fascinating about it.

"I've to ask. Can you imagine a woman, particularly your sister marrying me?" Anthony asked. Oh God! What was wrong with her? Did she just picture herself married with him? A tremor shook her body as if she could shake that idea away. Anthony saw her and he couldn't believe it. Did she find the idea that disgusting?

"I'd never encourage her to do so, but, as I have told you, I wouldn't decide for her," Kate said.

"You can't possibly consider me the worst suitor for your sister, can you?" Anthony asked.

"I haven't decided it yet… Mr. Berbrooke is still running for that position. Is this the moment when you told me why you would be a better choice?" Kate asked. She was enjoying herself and Anthony thought there was something attractive about her. She was attractive, not in the same way that her sister. She was intelligent too. She shouldn't be dancing with her sister's suitors. She should be dancing with her own.

"I am going to court your sister and should I decide that we should marry, I ought to provide you with a dowry," Anthony said and Kate just lost her mind. Or so she thought. It wasn't anything extravagant, she didn't shout or cry, she actually couldn't say a word. She didn't feel her body, she wasn't thinking, she was pure emotions but in the worst sense. She ought not to see this man again. It was dangerous for her mental health.

Anthony couldn't believe his eyes. Miss Sheffield seemed to have lost her ability to speak. He didn't know that was possible. She was dancing but he couldn't see anything in her eyes. She had an expressionless face. Deep inside, he knew that this didn't mean that he somehow won. He made a mistake, even if he couldn't clearly identify it. Could it be he mentioning his intention to marry her sister? No, that was perfectly clear for her. He didn't like the way this was making him feel. What was he feeling? Could this be the peace before a storm? Maybe he felt like a tornado was taking shape right in front of his eyes.

"Miss Sheffield?" he finally dared to ask but there was no answer. "Miss Sheffield, are you alright?" And then it happened. Expression returned to her face. If hate had a face, that would be hers.

"Pardon me. I didn't know I was expected to speak," Kate said.

"I beg your pardon?" Anthony asked.

"Maybe this will surprise you, but I'm not at all used to be treated as an object, and I suspect objects wouldn't answer, would they? I couldn't imagine a seller tagging a price on an object expecting it to talk," Kate said and then there was her fake big smile on her face.

His grasp tightened on her arm. "Before I return you to the sanctuary of spinsters, there is one thing we need to make clear. My good intentions shall not be taken as an insult."

Kate didn't like the hard tone of his voice. She faced him, fire flashing in her eyes. "I didn't know that trying to buy my approval was to be considered good intentions among gentleman. What good intentions should I expect next? Will you decide the owner for that hypothetical dowry?"

"I can't imagine a man so desperate for a dowry," Anthony said. But what truly he couldn't have imagined was what happened next. Kate threw back her head and laughed.

"Is it wrong that your honesty can be more appreciated than your good intentions?" Kate asked. He did not answer and Kate wrenched her arm free and strode back to her stepmother, before this could turn any worse. Or was it too late?


	2. Newton's laws

It was a beautiful sunny day, the perfect day to promenade in Hyde Park. Kate was enjoying it so much, that when Viscount Bridgerton asked Edwina to walk with him, she didn’t care. She still couldn’t help the way her face transformed when facing him. It was the same angry face that she had showed the day before and that Edwina later compared to Newton’s. It wasn’t as she was showing him her teeth like Newton did when he was barking at someone. Even if the comparison wasn’t quite right, they did laugh a lot making funny angry faces while imitating their dog.

They weren’t at the park alone. Someone looking from afar might have said that they were divided in three groups. Walking ahead of the rest were Edwina and Viscount Bridgerton. Several steps behind, Kate was walking Newton. She was walking alongside Penelope and Eloise. Finally, walking behind them, were Lady Danbury, Lady Bridgerton and Mary.

Even if she had barely met them, Kate was already feeling that she had been Penelope and Eloise’s friend for years. She had heard good things about Penelope but nothing about Eloise, except perhaps the fact that Viscount Bridgerton looked her way maybe believing that she had told her about him wanting her sister to marry Mr. Berbrooke. Talking about that, it turned out that the man was definitely known for worst things that being a rake.

“I can’t believe the man came back and is searching for a wife with so much impunity. It’s infuriating the privileges they have only because of their sex. Had Marina Crane returned for this season, I bet she wouldn’t have been received the same way, despite being married,” Kate said.

“I didn’t realise you knew Marina. We’re cousins,” Penelope said.

“We are… were friends. We haven’t been much in touch since her marriage. I hope she’s alright. Have you been writing to her?” Kate asked Penelope.

“I used to… but then she stopped writing back. I suspect she must be really busy being a wife and a mother,” Penelope said.

“It wasn’t fair that she had to marry. She should have been allowed to mourn the father of her child, without everyone’s eyes looking at her… Like any widow would. My mom was pregnant with Hyacinth when my father died… I can’t imagine having to go through all that and having to find a husband at the same time. Also, what would have been the use for it?” Eloise said.

“Do you mean what I think you mean?” Kate asked with giggling face.

“I mean why any pregnant woman would want a husband? Don’t people get married to have children?” Eloise said with disgust in her face and Kate couldn’t help but laughing while Penelope was shaking her head.

“I don’t think that’s the only reason but there’s something right about your logic. Children should be children without any classification. Legitimate and illegitimate, no one should care,” Kate said.

“That sounds ideal but law would have to be changed,” Penelope said.

“The real problem is men writing the law. Maybe women should be doing it,” Eloise said.

“I like the way you think. Could you imagine it? A future where our daughters, granddaughters, great granddaughters could write the law…” Kate said.

“Maybe… but only if we start to change the present, don’t you think?” Penelope asked.

“I like to think that we are already changing it by talking about it. At least, it’s a start, isn’t it?” Kate said.

“Little steps?” Eloise said.

“I don’t think little steps would describe me but yes, maybe in this case,” Kate said.

“Talking about steps, do you think we’re witnessing their very first little steps into marriage?” Penelope asked while looking ahead of them, where Edwina and Viscount Bridgerton were walking. That comment made Kate’s face transform.

“You don’t seem to like my brother, do you?” Eloise said looking at Kate’s transformed face.

“I wouldn’t dare say that. I barely know him,” Kate said.

“Then, could it be that you are as overprotective as he?” Eloise said.

“I wouldn’t have thought he was overprotective considering what happened with Mr. Berbrooke,” Kate said.

“I guess in his mind he was a better candidate compared to the Duke of Hastings,” Eloise said.

“How so? They are so happily married, aren’t they?” Kate asked.

“The duke was and still is his best friend, so he knew his reputation to be true,” Eloise said.

“So he knew that he was as much as a rake as he is while he didn’t know Mr. Berbrooke so well, is that it?” Kate said.

“Penelope can testify that I didn’t call my dear brother a rake,” Eloise said.

“Yes, of course, you did not. So this was the kind of experience that went according to popular believes. _Better the devil you know than the devil you don't_ and _reformed rakes make the best husbands_. Not that I care about popular believes,” Kate said.

“How lucky to be a man and have popular believes favouring you, so that any woman shall forgive and forget whatever bad have you done,” Penelope said.

“That may be because popular believes are made by the same people that make the law,” Eloise said. Some voice called her attention and Eloise turned back. Showing the happiest of faces, she said “he’s back!” and started running towards her mother who was with who should probably be Colin Bridgerton.

“He is her brother, Colin,” Penelope said, but she wasn’t actually looking at Kate. Was she staring at Colin Bridgerton? Kate couldn’t help but stare at Penelope’s face. She hadn’t had realised how beautiful she was, but that was not it. There was something bright about her face that made her think about … magic? Could it be…?

“Oh my God!” Kate almost shouted and covered her mouth and finally Penelope looked her way. Colin used to be Marina’s fiancé. Marina should have known, shouldn’t she? It’s not that she would hate her for that. She couldn’t even hate Lady Whistledown… Oh! Lady Whistledown?

“Oh my God!” Kate said again. This time it was more like a whisper as she was still covering her mouth.

Anthony couldn’t help but looking their way. It wasn’t the first time he found himself looking back at her. He decided that he was behaving this way because he felt guilty about mentioning her dowry the other night. It wasn’t polite to talk about money. His mind was clearly not on the right place when he said that. He knew he did wrong but how difficult it was to apologize to her when she irritated him so much. Maybe if she could stop being irritating for a second, he would have the chance to apologise.

Edwina noticed that time to time Lord Bridgerton turned back but she couldn’t quite guess why.

“Are you alright?” Penelope finally asked Kate.

“Now, I finally understand. There was something bothering me about her, but now, at least, I do understand why she felt she had to do that,” Kate said. Penelope didn’t understand at all what she could mean. There was something wrong about the way Kate was looking at her, with an open mouth as if she had just discovered a treasure.

“You are not making any sense,” Penelope said.

“Don’t worry! Your secret is my secret. Maybe I can be useful, you know? I shouldn’t flatter myself but I’m a good observer, so shall you need it, I could gather information for you and if you ever need any help to cover your identity, you can count me on. Although you’re smart enough to know that this is probably the one and only season we can afford. I won’t be of any help next year. Maybe that’s comforting for you, shall you not trust me. You should know how I find out! Even if Marina did Colin wrong, she didn’t have much of a choice being a woman that could consider herself ruined. Talking about that, why men can only be ruined in terms of money? Never mind. You saved him because you love him. I’m sure writing about it wasn’t your first option. I may be the only person in town that still has Marina in her mind, so I don’t think your secret is at risk. I do understand why you hide behind that name but I still hope for a future where women wouldn’t have to hide behind anonymous anymore. Luckily for me, I may be one of the first ones able to tell you that YOU, Penelope Featherington, are indeed a talented writer and I shall consider Colin Bridgerton a fool, if he does not realise in the short term, that there is a beautiful amazing woman waiting for him. Unless he’s also a rake, then I take the last part back. Having said that, I believe there’s nothing more to say. No need to confess or deny it. As far as I’m concerned, this conversation never happened,” Kate said and now the one with an open mouth was Penelope. Have Kate said all of that in what seemed less than a minute?

“Oh my God!” Penelope said.

“I know!” Kate said, still not believing that just happened.

Kate felt as she was dreaming. This was definitely an amazing day. Of course, she couldn’t have imagined what happened next. Eloise introduced Colin to her. Colin greeted Penelope. Newton was happily inspecting the newcomer and Colin asked Kate if he could walk him. Kate offered him the lead and he took it, but before he could take a good grip around it, Newton gave the lead a tug, and it went flying from his grasp. Newton was off and running, the lead snaking along the grass behind him.

So Kate did the same. She was off and running, hollering, “Newton!” with a decided lack of decorum, that reminded Colin of her sister Eloise.

Newton went straight to The Serpentine and after coming out covered in water, he changed his course, barking joyfully as he ran towards Edwina.

Anthony couldn’t believe what he was seeing, it seemed like a nightmare. That wet dog was running towards them, most precisely towards Edwina and at that speed, he was probably going to jump into her. Anthony moved closer to her, getting in the dog’s way, ready to catch him. But Newton clearly did not intend to be caught.

Kate saw Newton changing his plans not to be caught. He probably thought this was a game, and he was ready to run shall anyone get closer. Kate was already near them when he saw Newton’s intention.

“Close your eyes,” Kate managed to say before Newton allowed himself a full-body shake, spraying pond water everywhere. While covering her face, Kate moved fast to step on the lead, so that Newton wouldn’t run again, and at the same time she tried to cover Edwina at least a little but as she was getting down to get hold of the lead, Newton managed to jump into Edwina, getting her wet. It was a nightmare. The good news being that the lead was already secured in her hands.

“Are you alright?” Kate asked Edwina, pulling Newton away from her.

“Yes. I’m just wet, that’s all,” Edwina said.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said.

“It was an accident,” Edwina said, and then she walked towards Mary who was calling her.

“Women should not keep pets if they cannot control them,” Viscount Bridgenton told Kate, looking really angry.

“Well, that’s an opinion. I have many of those. Do you know what the difference is? You would never hear a man being described as too-opinionated. So forgive me if your opinion means nothing to me. You think women are worried about controlling pets? Should we be thanking men for letting us control pets when we cannot control money, our education or even our own bodies? Any other opinion you want to share, my lord?” Kate asked looking really angry. Who did he think he was to talk to in such a manner?

“You, madam, are a menace to society,” Viscount Bridgerton said and Kate sighted.

“I wish that was true but society is safe while women are not. Now, Lord Bridgerton, shall you want to gain my sister’s favor through me, I must say you are doing a terrible job,” Kate said.

“You’re exasperating. I really shouldn’t provoke you. But I’m afraid I just can’t help myself,” Viscount Bridgerton said surprising Kate.

“If you can’t really help yourself maybe you should be more understanding and don’t complain about my lack of control of my pet, don’t you think?” Kate asked.

“Maybe we wouldn’t have anything to complain about if we avoided each other,” Viscount Bridgerton said.

“That sounds like a plan to me, my lord,” Kate said as she walked away.

After Newton’s incident, it was decided that the best for everyone was to return home. Lady Danbury offered her carriage to take the Sheffield’s home. No one could argue with her which was enough for Kate to admire the woman.

Before leaving, Kate made it clear to Penelope that she should write about the incident.

“I believe we will be reading about Newton tomorrow,” Eloise said.

“I don’t think Lady Whistledown will bother to learn my dog’s name. She will surely put the blame on me, as it is my dog and I was seen walking him and then running after him. We and Colin must be the only ones to know that he was the one that let the dog run,” Kate said.

“Thinking about that, tomorrow we might be able to probe Lady Whistledown wrong,” Penelope said.

“I suppose she can be wrong,” Eloise said.

Back at their home, when Kate was alone with Edwina, she decided her sister should know what she had heard about Mr. Berbrooke.

“Mr. Berbrooke can never be. Not that he had a chance but today I have heard the worst things about him. It seems he was away for more than a year trying to avoid the scandal. He shouldn’t have been welcomed back. I can’t believe people just stop talking about it. Men and their privileges!” Kate exclaimed.

“Oh! How terrible! He never had a chance but certainly it’s not bad to know that one has to be especially careful around him,” Edwina said.

“Certainly I would prefer never to be around that man again. Maybe next time I can’t avoid being around him, I can propose the man that we should avoid each other,” Kate said.

“You wouldn’t do something that improper,” Edwina said.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have before, but now that I have come to such an agreement with Lord Bridgerton, I don’t see why I would limit it to one when clearly, it can be so useful,” Kate said.

“Kate Sheffield!” Edwina exclaimed with a laugh. “You did not!”

“Don’t look me like that! It was his idea, not mine,” Kate said.

“But he’s so polite and charming,” Edwina said.

“That may be because he wants you to fall in love with him. That’s not the behaviour he showed in front on me. He wasn’t polite. Nor was he very charming. In fact, he was insufferably rude and insulting,” Kate said.

“That’s interesting,” Edwina said.

“It wasn’t interesting at all,” Kate said.

“I mean that it’s odd that he would have behaved rudely to you when he must have heard that I shall be looking to your judgment when I choose a husband. One would think he’d want to gain my favour through you by being nice, wouldn’t he?” she asked.

“That’s exactly what I said but he said he couldn’t help himself,” Kate answered.

Edwina’s mouth fell open and then she started laughing.

Kate glared at her. “It’s not funny.”

“He said he couldn’t help himself? Oh, Kate, it might be the funniest thing I’ve heard all month. He might be the very first gentleman we’ve met all season you haven’t been able to manage,” Edwina said.

“Stop it, please. It’s not funny. Not to me,” Kate said.

“I’ll stop if I’m upsetting you, but please, would you admit that it was fun? Or would you rather lie and tell me that you prefer talking to those suitors you have labelled as idiots,” Edwina said.

“It’s a difficult choice, but I suppose I prefer talking with someone with a brain, but that alone won’t do to be good enough for you, unless you are feeling otherwise” Kate said.

“I believe he has potential to be a good choice. He was polite and nice, at least with me. He might not be a scholar but as you have said, he has a brain and he is wealthy. Of course, I’m open to the idea that I may still be able to meet someone to love. Luckily, I don’t have to make a choice now. He hadn’t asked. He might never ask and even if he does, I don’t believe it will be because of love. If love was part of the equation, I believe he would choose someone else. Basically, you’re right and I believe I deserve better, so I haven’t closed that door. But what about you? I don’t think you are looking for a husband. All you do is interview possibilities for me. And there is no reason you shouldn’t find a husband as well,” Edwina said. She didn’t say it, but after hearing about Kate’s relationship with Lord Bridgerton and having seen him looking back, probably at her, Edwina thought that her sister may find a husband before her. What she didn’t get was why would Lord Bridgerton was behaving this way. Shall he prefer Kate, what was he doing with her? Perhaps he haven’t realised his feelings. All Edwina knew was that she couldn’t imagine herself being married with a man that preferred her sister. If he could only see it, all her worries would disappear. She wouldn’t be in a hurry to find a husband. She wouldn’t need to worry over money. She wouldn’t need to worry about her mother and sister’s future or even about her own future. Maybe she could be of help. Maybe tomorrow she would not feel good enough to go to the party. After Newton’s incident, it shouldn’t be suspicious at all if she was to catch a cold.

Meanwhile, at Bridgerton House, Anthony made the mistake of criticising Kate in front of Colin and Eloise.

“She didn’t ruin the day. Have you considered the fact that it was your bad humour what ruined your day?” Eloise asked Anthony.

“My bad humour was only the result of her dog getting us wet,” Anthony said.

“It was an accident,” Colin said and Eloise stared at him, with her hands on her waist. Anthony’s eyes were moving from Eloise to Colin.

“Is there anything I should know?” He asked no one in particular.

“If someone is to be blamed, it should be me. I asked Miss Sheffield if I could walk her dog,” Colin admitted.

“Why I am only hearing about this now?” Anthony asked in an angry tone.

“Because you hadn’t asked before. Why is it so important? What have you done?” Eloise asked.

“Whatever you have done, tomorrow at the party you could apologise. I’m sure it cannot be that bad,” Colin said but Anthony only stared at him. “ _I’m sorry_. See? It’s not that difficult,” Colin continued and Anthony believed he might have to kill his brother.

“Colin is right. Kate is a reasonable person, I’m sure she will forgive you. You just need to tell her the true. _I’m a man. I’m always right. I couldn’t care for what you had to say_ ,” Eloise said imitating his voice.

“You can’t speak with Miss Sheffield again. I prohibit you to be her friend,” Anthony said looking really serious.

“Does that mean your sense of humour is back?” Eloise asked with a big smile on her face.

“ _Does that mean your sense of humour is back?_ ” Anthony said imitating Eloise’s voice.

“I don’t sound like that!” Eloise said rolling her eyes at him.

“I won’t apologise to her because it would imply talking with her and we have just agreed to avoid each other,” Anthony said and then he left the room, leaving Colin and Eloise with an open mouth, looking at each other, waiting for the other to explain what had just happened. Had their brother lost his mind?


	3. What you avoid controls you

Kate was anxious and her hand was moving on its own. She was going to Bridgerton House, the house of the man she agreed to avoid. To make things worse, Edwina wasn’t going with her.

“We shouldn’t have left Edwina alone at home,” Kate said.

“For someone who wanted to stay alone at home instead of coming to London, don’t you think you’re exaggerating? It’s only a night and she has plenty of books to read. She’ll be fine,” Mary said.

“Shall I have stayed, you’ll be with Edwina now,” Kate said.

“Kate, we’ve already had this conversation. You made it pretty clear that you would have preferred staying with your sister and that you think people will expect to see Edwina instead of you. I made it perfectly clear to you that Edwina isn’t the only one enjoying a season and looking for a husband,” Mary said.

“Of course, I suspect there will be more than one girl looking for a husband at the party,” Kate said.

“You know that’s not what I meant. Kate, your hand!” Mary exclaimed.

“I know,” Kate said and she tried to stay still.

“It could be worse, you know? At least, we aren’t going to another Smythe-Smith musicale. Lady Bridgerton has hired a professional opera singer, visiting from Italy. We are honored simply to receive an invitation,” Mary said.

Kate had considering telling Mary the real reason she wanted to stay at home, because nothing else seemed to work… The problem was she couldn’t even imagine Mary’s reaction. She could only hope Lord Bridgerton would not notice her presence.

Anthony was in his study, having a drink while watching the carriages arrive. He wasn’t having a good day. He didn’t sleep well, not after his dream in which he kissed the very same person he was supposed to avoid, the person who could, in a near future, be his sister-in-law. That was definitely messed up. It wasn’t that he felt guilty about his dream. No man could control them. He was trying as hard as he could to avoid thinking about it, about her. What would be the point of avoiding someone’s presence if one was to have the person all the time in one’s mind? If he couldn’t control his dreams or his mind, he’d have to control his actions. He’d better get married soon and end this nonsense.

Maybe, his actions were also out of his control because the moment he saw Kate stepping out of her carriage, tipping her face up the same way he had seen her do while enjoying the sun in Hyde Park, he forgot how to breathe. Could his day be any worse? Yes, indeed it could, considering the woman he was planning to marry didn’t get out of the carriage.

As Anthony knew the exact moment Kate stepped out of the carriage, Kate knew the exact moment Anthony entered the room, but being honest, most of the people, if not everyone in the room, even the soprano, Siena Rosso, knew the moment he entered the room because he managed to be late to a performance in his own house.

Kate could understand that most eyes were on Lord Bridgerton as he entered the room and managed to sit close to his family, but what she didn’t quite understand was the way Siena, more than once during her performance, stared at him making her feel… feel… What was she feeling? Disgust. That must be it. For what she had heard, Siena was in Vienna for about two years and she had just returned to London. She clearly knew him and there was nothing surprising about it considering he was considered a rake.

Once the performance was done, Kate went to greet Penelope.

“You consider yourself a good observer yet you have no idea how you look right know. I guess it’s difficult to observe oneself without a mirror but do yourself a favour and stop looking his way,” Penelope told Kate.

“Are you seeing him? Her? Are you going to write about this? Never mind,” Kate said.

“There were rumours about them two years ago,” Penelope said.

“Rumours? How amazing that it wasn’t confirmed considering their little effort to hide it despite this being in his mother’s party,” Kate said.

“Was Edwina not able to attend this evening?” Penelope tried to change the subject.

“She caught a chill, nothing serious but Mary decided she should have at least one day of recuperation,” Kate said and then she was back again looking at Lord Bridgerton and Siena.

“Are you planning a murder, Miss Sheffield?” Colin asked as he joined the group.

“I suggest you join forces with Mr. Bridgerton, shall you be planning for a murder. If there’s anyone that could get away with it, I believe that would be him,” Penelope said.

“Miss Sheffield, as Penelope is suggesting, I believe I owe you an apology,” Colin said.

“I wouldn’t suggest such a thing but now that you mention it you did almost lose her dog, Newton, who happened to spray pond water to her now ill sister. Not to mention that everyone knows about the incident and might blame her for it thanks to Lady Whistledown,” Penelope said.

“Thank you Penelope for summing it up for me,” Colin said. 

“Apologies accepted,” Kate said, smiling for the first time in the night.

“Penelope Featherington, I think you should dance with me,” Colin said.

“I- Of course,” Penelope said.

“Miss Sheffield,” Colin said. “Now that I have been forgiven, shall you not want to avoid me, I do hope you will favour me with one of your dances this evening,” Colin said and Kate smiled. The message was clear. He knew his brother and she were supposed to avoid each other. She was not going to wait in line to find out whether Colin has the same kind of humour as Benedict, trying to make her dance with Viscount Bridgerton…

She had to leave the room but before she stopped briefly at the lemonade table, just in case Mary was looking. She went into the hall and sat on a cushioned bench where she felt safe. But the feeling only lasted several minutes. She knew she had made a terrible mistake when she heard voices approaching and realized with horror that Lord Bridgerton and Siena were leaving the music room and entering the hall. Why was this happening to her? She was supposed to avoid him so without thinking it a lot, it’s not like she had time to spare thinking other options, she entered the room next to the bench and she shut the door. With any luck, they would walk on by, and she could return to the music room.

It was dark, but there was a lantern on a desk, so she got closer to it. The room seemed to be a study. There were papers, a letter opener, a quill, an inkpot, a blotter. But again, being there hadn’t been her best idea and she knew that the moment she heard a doorknob. This was turning into her worst nightmare except she couldn’t just wake up out of it. What could she do? Be found lurking into a room that wasn’t hers by the man he was supposed to avoid? No, that wasn’t acceptable. But what she did wasn’t acceptable either. She hid under the desk… She was used to feeling safe under tables and desks, so she felt more comfortable than she probably should considering she was trapped in the office with a pair of lovers. Seconds started to seem like hours to Kate.

“So, what, perchance, is the Viscount Bridgerton seeking to escape tonight? Everyone is saying you have decided to settle down and choose a bride, is that it? Are you escaping from your future wife?” Siena asked and Kate might have started liking Sienna.

“Some things never change,” Viscount Bridgerton said.

“It feels like a déjà vu, doesn’t it? Yours position in life remains unchanged unless you’re planning another duel, my Lord?” Siena asked.

“No. That’s not the case,” Viscount Bridgerton said.

“What is it? Are you planning to be loyal to your future wife and you wanted to seize the moment while you’re single?” Siena asked.

“I see this was a mistake,” Viscount Bridgerton said.

“Indeed, it was. My position in life might not have entirely changed but I met someone, you know? Someone who doesn’t need to get free of society to have me. Someone who lives up to his promises. You should have it easier, you know? You have a tittle, a family you love, money and yet you’re always escaping. I won’t pity you. I won’t be your fool again. But I still wish you to be happy, whatever that means to you,” Siena said and Viscount Bridgerton sighted.

“We should make a toast for your happiness,” Viscount Bridgerton said.

“Why not?” Siena said.

Why not? How about because the decanter was directly opposite to Kate’s hiding spot under the desk? She didn’t even dare to breathe. Kate watched as he poured two fingers of whiskey into each glass. This was not what avoiding him was supposed to be like.

Don’t turn around.

And he didn’t but he was standing still and Kate knew that something was wrong but what was it? She hadn’t moved or made noises. Did he have eyes on his back? She could actually picture the angry face that matched with his stance. Without even looking down he sat on the chair in front of the desk and he started moving his feet until he touched her with them, making it perfectly clear, that he knew she was there. At least he couldn’t see her face, right? Or maybe he did have supernatural powers.

“Siena, I’m sorry. I have suddenly remembered an urgent matter. Would I be unforgivably rude, if I merely walked you to the door and not back to the music room?” he asked. She was definitively in trouble. So much trouble that she wished she could hide under the floor.

“I believe I can manage,” Siena said.

“Forgive me?” Anthony said.

“I suspect you’re perfectly aware that there isn’t a woman who could deny you forgiveness for that smile,” Siena said before leaving.

As soon as the door closed, Kate stood up and saw the exact moment in which Anthony turned the key in the lock and pocketed it.

“Please, open the door,” Kate said politely but Viscount Bridgerton only turned to stare at her with the angry face that Kate had just imagined.

“If you want to hear an explanation, you need to let the door open,” she said but nothing happened. “However angry you are, whatever I have done, nothing… nothing allows the behaviour you’re showing. No matter what you think I deserve, you have no right. Just because I’m in your study, it doesn’t make me your property and you cannot take it as any kind of invitation. You know it’s not the same for you and me. Whatever you’re planning, however funny it might be for you, remember that it could be terrifying for me and nothing I have done could have had that effect on you, so open the damn door, my lord,” she said walking slowly towards him in such a way that was exactly the opposite of terrified. Anthony knew she was right. She was a lady while he was supposed to be a gentleman. His behaviour was shameful. He opened the damn door and Kate sighted. She was so nervous.

“Among the three of us, Siena Rosso might have been the most dignified person in the room,” Kate said while sinking onto the sofa and Anthony laughed as he realised he could no longer be angry.

“If this is what happens when I tried to avoid you… I must say I shall stop avoiding you,” Kate said and Anthony imagined Kate leaving the music room to avoid him, she leaving the hall to avoid him, she hiding in his study to avoid him, she hiding under his desk to avoid him… It hadn’t been exactly a success and he knew the feeling. If he was escaping, as Siena said, he was escaping from his feelings for Kate, from his thinking of her, from her presence. And yet, she was where he would have never dreamt finding her, in his study’s sofa. And yet he couldn’t help thinking that she belonged there, that she was not an intruder.

Viscount Bridgerton was staring at Kate and he wasn’t saying a word, but at least his angry face was gone. So what did it mean?

“I’m sorry. I’m intruding. I believed you would have questions for me but you must want to be alone, after all, I wasn’t expected here”, Kate said standing up and going in his direction, to the door. God! There was something about his eyes… Or was it his face? She could stare at the man all day. Whatever she was feeling, it was making her anxious. She needed to leave that room now. 

“My lord,” she said facing him, before going through the door.

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said.

“Pardon me?” Kate said. She couldn’t just have heard that.

“I’m sorry,” Anthony repeated.

“Could you elaborate? You’re sorry for having closed the door?” Kate asked.

“I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you since I met you, for my behaviour. I’m sorry I mentioned your dowry, I’m sorry I called you a menace to society for something my brother did, I’m sorry I suggested we should avoid each other, I’m sorry I locked the door,” Anthony said and Kate swallowed.

That was what Siena meant when she said that there wasn’t a woman who could deny him forgiveness for that smile. Viscount Bridgerton was definitely trouble. Why was he staring at her? Maybe it was because she wasn’t saying anything. Kate believed her body might have forgotten how to work. Her soul might have left her body or her body might be levitating. She wasn’t sure she was even breathing. Anthony got closer to her. Kate’s lips parted. Oh my God! Why was her heart beating so fast? When was the last time she blinked? Why was it so hot in this room? What was he doing to her? Was this a talent he developed by being a rake or was he born with it? Siena had said it. He was perfectly aware of whatever it was that he was doing but why was he doing it? Was it just because he could? He was so close he might just kiss her. But had he wanted to do so, he would have already done it, wouldn’t he? Could it be that he was being respectful after what she had said when he locked the door? Was he waiting for an actual invitation? Kate bit her lip before the words “kiss me” could actually left her mouth. She was being delusional. He couldn’t want to kiss her. He was just teasing her. She needed to have her control back. If this was Viscount Bridgerton’s talent, Kate had her very own talent. She could irritate him just by being herself.

Anthony was somehow proud of himself. He had told her he was sorry. Now his conscience shouldn’t have to bother him anymore. Maybe now Kate could leave his mind once and for all. But it didn’t happen. He was thinking about kissing her just like in his dream. What was wrong with him? He moved close until he was sure he was so close that she couldn’t tell where his breath ended and hers began. But he wasn’t going to kiss her. Not after apologizing to her. What would have been the point? He wouldn’t be able to apologize for the kiss later. And she had made it perfectly clear that just because she was in his study, she was not to be treated as his property. He could see desire in her eyes. It was just about time, wasn’t it? He had to control himself just a little longer. And as it wasn’t enough tempting when her lips parted, she had to bit her lip. What was she doing to him?

“Let’s make a deal. I forgive you if you forgive me,” Kate finally said recovering her ability to speak.

“Forgive you?” Anthony asked.

“Yes, forgive me for what I’m about to do,” Kate said.

What was Kate doing? Did she know what she was doing? Was Kate Sheffield trying to seduce him? Did he remember how to speak?

“It’s a deal,” Anthony solemnly said.

“Give me your hand and close your eyes, my lord” Kate dared saying. He regretted making that deal at that very moment. This couldn’t possibly be what he was imaging and he had no idea what was about to happen, but he had agreed to it. So he gave her his hand a closed his eyes and maybe for a moment he considered praying.

Kate grabbed his hand and used it to keep her balance. She was touching his skin and she loved the feeling of it. She would never forget this moment. She thought Viscount Bridgerton was never to forget it either, but for other reasons.

Anthony felt her hand on his and he knew that her hand belonged there. She changed the way in which she was grabbing him, leaving his palm free and then she left a cold object in his hand and released it. He opened his eyes, threw back his head and laughed. His damn letter opener was on his hand. It wasn’t the reaction Kate was expecting but she got what she wanted. A kiss would be out of question now, right?

“Shall I take this as a symbol of our peace treaty?” Anthony asked once he managed to stop laughing, and Kate couldn’t help but giggle.

“I wouldn’t dare say otherwise,” Kate said.

“I have a question,” Anthony said.

“What a coincidence! I have a question too,” Kate answered.

“Where were you hiding it?” Anthony said at the same time that Kate made her question. “How did you know without looking that I was under your desk?”

“We will have to live with the doubt, won’t we?” Anthony said. He had no wishes to admit that he had recognised her smell.

“That settles it then, my lord,” Kate said before leaving the studio and returning to the music room, to the lemonade table where drink more than one glass.

“How many of those are you planning to drink?” Penelope asked.

“Penelope, can I ask you a question?” Kate said and before Penelope could answer, she continued. “How does it feel to be in love? What do you feel when you are with him?” She asked without mentioning who she was referring to.

“Oh my God! You believe you are in love?” Penelope asked as her eyes grew wider.

“No. No. No. No. No. I just wish to discard that option. That’s all,” Kate said.

“I believe that settles it,” Penelope said.

“You do?” Kate said.

“Yes,” Penelope said.

“So we agree that I’m not in love,” Kate said.

“No. I agree that you want to deny it which can only mean that you are in love,” Penelope said as Kate eyes grew wider.

“You can’t say that,” Kate said.

“Why not?” Penelope asked.

“We’re friends and you’re not being helpful,” Kate said taking her hands to her face.

“Would it help if I lie?” Penelope asked.

“No. It would help if you came with another explanation. There must be another explanation,” Kate said and sighted.


	4. Sweetness and light

“You need to tell everything about the party!” Edwina told Kate as soon as she had the chance.

“The music was exquisite!” Kate told her.

“You know that is not what I want to know. I’ve read Lady Whistledown’s column and there’s nothing useful there. Do you happen to know who was the lady with a severe case of indigestion? But more importantly, she doesn’t mention you dancing with anyone. Does that mean you successfully avoided Lord Bridgerton?” Edwina asked.

“I don’t remember anyone with indigestion,” Kate said trying to avoid talking about Lord Bridgerton.

“According to Lady Whistledown, someone might have mistaken love for a severe case of indigestion,” Edwina said and Kate choked on a laugh.

“It didn’t seem possible to me either. So did you talk with Lord Bridgerton?” Edwina asked.

“Will you promise not to laugh?” Kate asked.

“Of course,” Edwina said. She was so eager to hear about it that she didn’t mind lying. It was definitely a good cause.

“Since we couldn’t succeed at avoiding each other, we agreed to a peace treaty,” Kate said and poor Edwina, there was nothing she could do but laugh.

“Oh Kate! I need to hear you two interact. This is so good, that Lady Whistledown’s column is starting to seem boring in comparison,” Edwina said.

“I believe you should join the others Bridgerton brothers and star a club to laugh at us,” Kate said.

“Is that so? I may propose it to them next week,” Edwina said.

“I’m afraid to ask. What happens next week?” Kate said.

“We were invited to Lady Bridgerton’s country house party. Now that there is a peace treaty, what kind of behaviour should we expect from you during the week we’ll be expending at Lord Bridgerton’s country house?” Edwina asked.

“We are leaving London?” Kate said with a big smile on her face. “I shall be nothing but sweetness and light.”

…

The story kind of repeated itself. Anthony was in Aubrey Hall awaiting the start of his mother’s country house party. Her intention was pretty clear, as always. She wanted to get her sons married off, particularly him. Anthony was looking out the window of his study when he saw a hired carriage arrived. He saw Edwina, Mrs. Sheffield and Kate stepping down. Edwina and Mrs. Sheffield were so alike, even in their movements. On the other hand, Kate’s movements were less graceful as if only efficiency mattered to her.

In their way to the front door, Edwina couldn’t help but tease her sister. “Sweetness and light begins here, sister mine,” she said and Kate laughed. Nothing was going to change her good humour. She had left London for a week and this place was lovely.

Once they were in the main hall, Lady Bridgerton greeted them. Kate thanked her for the invitation.

“It’s a pleasure to escape the city for a week,” Kate said.

“You are a country girl at heart, then?” Lady Bridgerton asked.

“Yes, I wasn’t exactly eager to visit London. I prefer the green fields and fresh air of the countryside,” Kate said.

“Anthony is much the same way even if he spends his time in the city,” Lady Bridgerton said.

“The viscount?” Kate asked doubtfully.

Lady Bridgerton told them how they lived almost exclusively in Aubrey Hall until her husband passed away and then they moved their primary residence to London. She offered them tea while their bags were being delivered to their rooms, but they declined, as Mary was tired and wanted to lie down. Kate was not tired and she asked Lady Bridgerton if she might explore their extensive flower gardens that she had noticed when they arrived. Lady Bridgerton offered to give her a tour of the gardens later in the week.

After a few more moments of chitchat, Mary and Edwina followed the maid up the stairs and Kate went outside. Not long after that, Anthony strode down the hall toward his mother.

“The Sheffields have arrived. Such a lovely family, don’t you think? I understand you’ve made the acquaintance of both Sheffield girls,” Violet said and Anthony nodded.

“They haven’t much in the way of fortune, but I’ve always maintained that when choosing a spouse, fortune is not as important as character, provided, of course, that one isn’t in desperate straits,” Violet said.

“Which I am not,” Anthony said.

“Most men don’t have the luxury of free will when it comes to marriage, you know?” Violet said.

“I’m a lucky to be your son. Have fun greeting your guests, mother,” he said and dropped a kiss on her cheek.

“Where are you going?” she asked as he started to move away.

“For a walk,” Anthony replied.

“In that case, you should really head out to the flower gardens. The early species are just beginning to bloom, and it’s simply spectacular. Like nothing you can ever see in London,” Violet said and Anthony nodded.

“I shall see you for supper,” he said.

Anthony loved Aubrey Hall but it was almost painful to be there with so many memories of his childhood. He couldn’t help but thinking in his father and even though more than ten years had passed since his death, he still expected to see him come bounding around the corner with one of his siblings on his shoulders. What he saw while walking might not had been his father, but still it surprised him. Kate was sitting on the grass clearly without any worry about her dress being free of wrinkles or stains. She was with her head up, probably looking at sky. Her back was facing him, so he couldn’t see her face. She was still wearing the same dress she had when he saw her through the window. He might have forgotten how to breathe and maybe he blinked to check if he was imagining things. She probably didn’t even go to her room or she wouldn’t have had time to reach that spot before him. His mother’s words came to his mind. They were perfect to describe the scene. _Simply spectacular, like nothing you can ever see in London_. That foolish thought came again to his mind. She belonged there in his gardens. And as if it were the most natural thing to do, he went her way.

“Miss Sheffield,” he said as a greeting, her head turned back to face him. Her eyes might have widened for a second as he sat next to her.

“Lord Bridgerton,” Kate said.

“So, we’re honouring our peace treaty?” Viscount Bridgerton asked.

“Of course, avoiding each other was probed to be a mistake,” Kate answered still not believing he was sitting next to her.

“We might have avoided each other today if it weren´t for my mother,” he said.

“Your mother?” she asked.

“Yes, she might have suggested me to come and see the flower gardens,” he said.

“Oh! I see. It shouldn’t surprise you. Is common knowledge that my sister wouldn’t marry without my approval,” she said.

The fact that she couldn’t even consider that she could be the one, at least, in her mother’s eyes was kind of maddening.

“Shall you have heard her, you would know those weren’t her intentions,” he said.

What could he mean? Kate turned her head to her right shoulder and put her hand to her chin. The question was written all over her face.

“Did Lady Bridgerton expect you to give me a tour? She has offered me a tour later this week” she finally said.

Anthony had to hold his head with his hand. Could she be that blind?

“No, you don’t have to know but mostly there is one reason behind all her actions, which is to have all her sons and daughters happily married,” Viscount Bridgerton said staring a Kate. Kate was starting to feel it was getting hard to breathe, which had no sense considering the fresh air so she decided that was the moment to stand up, while she still had control over her body.

Anthony might have enjoyed getting her so obviously nervous. But as soon as he stood up, he heard the perfectly awful sound of his younger brother’s voice.

“Anthony! There you are,” Colin shouted as he ran towards them.

“Anthony and Miss Sheffield. What a surprise,” Colin said again as he drew near eyeing them curiously. “Daphne and Simon are here.”

“My sister and her husband. I believe you have met the Duke of Hastings” Anthony said to Kate, remembering when he heard Simon and Benedict laughing while he was dancing with Edwina.

“Yes, I have,” Kate said.

“Daff suggested a game of Pall Mall. What do you say? If we set off soon, we can escape the milksop misses mother has invited for us. Present company excluded, of course. No one would make the mistake of calling you a milksop miss,” he said looking at Kate with the sort of grin that could win forgiveness for anything.

“Well, shall someone make that mistake, could I count on you executing the murder?” Kate asked and Colin laughed.

“Penelope suggested I’d be able to get away with murder,” Colin explained to Anthony.

“Have you ever played Pall Mall, Miss Sheffield?” Colin asked.

“I’m not even sure what it is, but it must be fun if you’re so eager to play,” Kate said.

“It’s a lawn game. Brilliant fun when you play it our way,” Colin said.

“We set out wickets on a course and then hit wooden balls through them with mallets. Colin sets out the wickets over tree roots” Anthony was saying and Colin interrupted. “And you aimed yours toward the lake. We never did find the red ball after Daphne sank it. Would you join us, Miss Sheiffield? I must warn you, honour and honesty has its time and place, but not in a game of Pall Mall.”

“So, you don’t think I will fit? That’s why you warn me?” Kate asked as she smiled.

“I like her,” Colin said looking at Anthony who rolled his eyes at him.

“We need another player,” Anthony said.

“I’m sure Edwina will join us,” Kate said remembering what she has told her about wanting to see them interact. Kate might have to find a way to be sweetness and light without honour and honesty.

“Excellent!” Colin said brightly.

“I’ll see to fetching Miss Sheffield. I’ll meet you in the field in half an hour,” Anthony said.

“Excellent,” Colin said.

When they reached a trek on a somewhat uneven clearing bordered on one side by a lake, Kate knew that was the place. Aubrey Hall was so perfect. The trek’s door made a rusty sound as Colin was opening it.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been out here to play,” Colin said.

“Really? If I had a house like Aubrey Hall, I would never go to London,” Kate said.

“You’re a lot like Anthony, did you know that?” Colin said and Kate was starting to believe that the Bridgerton family had already started a club to laugh at her. 

“So you think me as overprotective as him? Or is it because I like the countryside?” Kate asked remembering her conversation with Eloise and Lady Bridgerton.

“Perhaps it’s because you’re both the eldest. The Lord knows I’m thankful every day I wasn’t born in Anthony’s shoes,” Colin said.

“What do you mean?” Kate asked.

“I simply wouldn’t want his responsibilities, that’s all. The title, the family, the fortune. It’s a great deal to fit on one man’s shoulders,” Colin said.

“Certainly, that sounds awful. Maybe you should start a campaign among men to assign those responsibilities to women. We’ll gladly make the sacrifice. Or could it be you wanted to say the Lord knows you’re thankful every day you weren’t born a woman” Kate said and Colin sighted.

“You’re a lot like Eloise but I believe you already know that,” Colin said.

“We do have the same responsibilities on our shoulders,” Kate said.

“Either way, I wouldn’t think you being as overprotective as him,” Colin said.

“What do you mean?” Kate asked.

“I bet he must be referring to my duel with Anthony,” Simon said as he approached their way, he was with a beautiful lady that must be the duchess of Hastings.

“Your grace,” Kate said. So that was the famous duel. If Simon had died, Anthony would probably be with Siena right now.

“Since my brother and my husband won’t do the honours, I’ll introduce myself. I am Daphne, Duchess of Hastings,” Daphne said.

“Your grace,” Kate said.

Colin waved his hand toward her as he bent down to retrieve the wickets from the Pall Mall cart. “This is Miss Sheffield.”

“I just passed by Anthony at the house. I thought he said he was on his way to fetch Miss Sheffield, was he perhaps referring to your sister?” Daphne asked.

“Yes, my sister Edwina. I am Katharine. Kate to my friends,” she said.

“Well, if you are brave enough to play Pall Mall with the Bridgertons, I definitely want you as my friend. You must call me Daphne and my husband Simon. Simon?” Daphne said with a wide smile.

“Of course,” he said.

Daphne decided that she and Kate will set half of the wickets and Simon and Colin the other half. Daphne took Kate by the arm and leaded her toward the lake.

“We have to make absolutely certain that Anthony loses his ball in the water. Did they tell you about the red ball? I have never forgiven him for last time. I thought Benedict and Colin were going to die laughing. And Anthony just stood there smirking. Smirking! No one smirks quite like him. If I could have killed him, I vow I would have,” Daphne said.

“I believe you love him. My sister laughs very often at myself, without any worries about her wellbeing. She certainly must believe that love is forgiving,” Kate said.

“And you don’t believe that?” Daphne asked.

“Usually I question truths that apply to every case, asking myself who benefits from such a truth. But, in this particular case, yes, it is true. My love for her is forgiving. And your love for your brother must be too, or you wouldn’t have intervened to stop the duel, would you?” Kate said.

“I never said I intervened. It could have been divine intervention, couldn’t it?” Daphne said.

“I don’t believe I have said otherwise” Kate said and Daphne laughed.

“You know what divine intervention is? That in all this time, only one ball ended in the lake because, for us, the game is less about winning than making sure the other players lose,” Daphne said.

“That sounds fun,” Kate said.

“Do you have any brothers, Miss Sheffield?” Daphne asked.

“Edwina is my only sibling,” Kate said.

“Four brothers provide quite a marvellous education,” Daphne said, shoving the wicket into the ground right atop a tree root.

“Can you give a man a black eye? Knock him to the ground?” Kate asked wondering how it would feel to knock someone.

“You should ask my husband,” Daphne said grinning wickedly.

“Ask me what?” the duke shouted from the opposite side of the tree where they were placing a wicket.

“Nothing,” Daphne shouted innocently. “I’ve also learned when it’s best just to keep one’s mouth shut. Men are much easier to manage once you understand a few basic facts about their nature,” she told Kate.

“Which are?” Kate asked.

“They’re not as smart or intuitive as we are, and they certainly don’t need to know about fifty percent of what we do,” Daphne said and looked around. “He didn’t hear that, did he?” She asked Kate.

“Every word,” Simon said stepping out from behind the tree and Kate choked on a laugh.

“It’s true,” Daphne said.

“I’ve also learned when it’s best just to keep one’s mouth shut,” Simon said crossing his arms.

“Should I leave? I feel that I’m interrupting something intimate,” Kate said rather fascinated at the scene.

“Are they having a spat?” Colin asked.

“A discussion,” Daphne corrected.

“We should choose colours before Anthony arrives. Here. You’re the guest. You choose first. What colour do you want?” Colin asked and Kate grabbed a mallet without giving it a thought.

“Do the colours have any meaning?” She said holding the black one in her hand.

“No. Only the one you’re holding. The mallet of death,” Colin said approvingly.

“You should pick one for your sister,” Daphne said.

“She loves blue,” Kate said and Colin gave it to her. Daphne chose the green one. Simon grabbed the orange one and Colin, the yellow one. There were two mallets left: the pink and the purple one.

“He’s not going to like either one,” Daphne said and Colin nodded.

“But he’ll like pink even less,” Colin said and then he tossed the purple mallet and ball into the shed.

Meanwhile, Anthony was walking with Edwina, talking about what she liked to read.

“I like reading novels and Philosophy too, if I’m in the mood for self-improvement,” Edwina said.

“Philosophy?” Anthony asked.

“You don’t like Philosophy?” Edwina asked.

“I guess I don’t,” Anthony said.

“Kate doesn’t like it either. She says she knows perfectly well how to live her life and doesn’t need a man to give her instructions,” Edwina said.

“I might have to agree with her,” Anthony said.

“You do? I feel I should find a notebook and record the moment. She’ll be happy to know that you think women don’t need man’s instructions to live their life,” Edwina said grinning.

“You’re more impertinent than you let on, aren’t you?” Anthony said.

“Not half as much as Kate,” Edwina answered.

“That was never in doubt,” he said and then he saw Kate, with the rest of the group, with the mallet of death.

“You took your time getting here, we’re ready to go. Anthony, you’re pink,” Colin said as he handed him his mallet. Kate did the same with Edwina. Daphne introduced herself and Simon to Edwina.

“I’m ought to believe that it’s just a coincidence that I happened to be pink while Miss Sheffield gets to have the mallet of death?” Anthony asked looking at Colin. 

“Why do I get the feeling we are intruding upon a family spat?” Edwina whispered in Kate’s ear.

“I think the Bridgertons take Pall Mall very seriously. It seems that bad sportsmanship is a requirement playing with them,” Kate whispered back.

“I gave her first pick. She is our guest, after all,” Colin said.

“I see. So sweetness and light wouldn’t be proper in this case,” Edwina whispered.

“I’m afraid that’s the case,” Kate whispered with a smile in her face.

“Anthony is usually black. In fact, he gave the mallet its name,” Daphne explained.

“I’m only hearing this now. You can have it. I don’t think no one here wants to have any doubts that when you lose, my lord, it won’t be because you weren’t using your regular mallet,” Kate said smiling wickedly. Edwina let out a little giggle while Anthony, Colin, Simon, and Daphne all looked at Kate in shock.

“I do believe I adore you, Kate Sheffield,” Daphne announced as she looped her arm through hers.

“God help me,” Anthony muttered and Edwina knew this was going to be fun no matter the outcome.


	5. Love and war

Edwina was right. She was having fun. If only Lady Whistledown would write about this. Viscount Bridgerton obviously announced that he would be pink and he would still win. It was decided that they would play oldest to youngest. The three Bridgerton siblings assumed bulldog faces reminding Edwina of that time she and Kate had fun imitating Newton. They didn’t bother to explain the rules to the new ones, but as they said, they figured it out as they went. When it was Kate’s turn, she asked if she could have a practice swing. The answer she got was pretty obvious; a rather loud “no” from the Bridgerton siblings. Edwina was convinced that her sister’s shot was excellent considering it was her first time playing and the ball ended next to the pink one that belonged to Viscount Bridgerton who should have been very good at Pall Mall. She was going to cheer for her sister when she heard the Duchess of Hastings said “Oh, dear”. Lord Bridgerton looked very pleased and if everything Kate had told her about their relationship was true, that was not good for Kate. But being honest, Edwina didn’t understand why. When Edwina hit her ball, it travelled only a third as far as the rest.

“Put a bit more muscle into it next time,” Anthony said.

“Right. I never would have figured that out,” Edwina muttered at his back while rolling her eyes. She never had a doubt, but definitely, Kate was not exaggerating when describing his behaviour. Fortunately, she wasn’t even considering marrying him or she could have been disappointed. He definitely needed someone like Kate to learn his place in life.

After the duke’s turn, Kate knew she would learn what the “Oh, dear” mean.

“Play of the game dictates that one follow one’s ball,” Anthony told Kate and she approached him.

His face was a confirmation, which Kate obviously didn’t need, that no one smirked like him.

“You’ll do well at Pall Mall…eventually,” he said.

“For the love of God, Anthony. Take your bloody turn,” Colin shouted.

Anthony put his foot atop his ball, drew back his mallet and let fly. Kate’s black ball went sailing down the hill while his remained under his boot.

This was clearly bad sportsmanship. He couldn’t just use his foot to stop his ball, right? But bad sportsmanship was a rule between the Bridgerton siblings, so she didn’t say a word but she couldn’t control the expression on her face.

“All is fair in love and war,” Viscount Bridgerton said. Even though Kate was quite angry she was also feeling fascinated about the passion the Bridgerton siblings put in this game. They had lost their mind when this game started, and Kate somehow found that funny.

“Does that mean our peace treaty is over? Well, it lasted longer than our agreement to avoid each other,” Kate said smiling wickedly.

“It did. I believe your ball is down the hill, Miss Sheffield and play of the game dictates that one follow one’s ball” Anthony said.

“Edwina is going to laugh at me so much,” Kate muttered as she moved away.

“What did you say?” Anthony asked.

“I said she he who laughs last, laughs best,” Kate lied as she went down the hill.

It wasn’t the reaction Anthony expected. He was expecting her to say _I’m going to kill_ _you_. What he didn’t expect either was Edwina trying to kill him. The Sheffield sisters were to be feared maybe as much as the Bridgerton siblings.

When Edwina’s turn arrived, she knew this was going to be the moment in the game where she was closer to Lord Bridgerton. Using his turn to move Kate’s black ball instead of his own, this was probably her best chance for revenge. She didn’t care about winning the game and if she had understand something about this game, winning was not the objective.

“A bit more muscle, right? If all of you stand back, I’ll feel more confident trying to hit the ball, I believe,” Edwina said, but no one actually moved, which was of course what she expected. She was just acting polite. Edwina was so good at acting polite that she could consider herself an actress and maybe sometimes she forgot that she was not alone in the play, she was surrounded by actors, actors like the Bridgerton siblings. This was the reason she actually loved Philosophy. How could someone be surrounded by deceit and not be interested in the true nature of things?

She started setting her aim by drawing back on her mallet a few times without actually hitting the ball and when she finally hit it, she let go of the mallet in the air.

Anthony did not see the mallet coming, until it literally passed in front of his eyes. When he looked at Edwina she was covering her mouth with both hands, in shock. He would never know if he was saved by her bad aim or by her excellent aim. Colin picked the mallet from the floor and handed it to Edwina.

“I’ll remember never to piss you off,” Colin said smiling to Edwina.

“I am so sorry. This is embarrassing,” Edwina said. Her face turned so red that for a moment Colin believed her.

“Don’t worry. Nothing happened but we might have to consider giving t _he mallet of death_ name to the blue one,” Daphne said and Edwina appeared to be trying her hardest to maintain a straight face.

Clearly, it was Anthony’s mistake having invited Edwina to play, even if it wasn’t his idea. He should have known better. It was Kate’s fault. He would lose his ability to think clearly when she was close. He was supposed to make Edwina fall in love with him and yet she invited her to Bridgerton Pall Mall which brought out the worst in anyone named Bridgerton. Was he supposed to still believe he had a chance with Edwina? He hated the idea that he has been losing his time. He was used to get what he wanted once he made a decision. He was not used to change his plans. Was this perhaps Kate’s idea when she suggested inviting Edwina? Anthony found himself looking her way, again. Kate was distracted, twiddling her thumbs so innocently oblivious to what was happening up the hill. He frowned. He was clearly mad. He needed to stop thinking about her. This was a Bridgerton Pall Mall, nothing else was supposed to matter.

Kate was in her own mind, convincing herself that it was something good that she was clearly losing the game. At least she didn´t have to be near Lord Bridgerton, which meant she didn’t have to deal with whatever it was she was feeling in his presence. Maybe it was also something good that the peace treaty was over even if she was getting used to it. What should her next steps be when facing him, now that their relationship status was updated to war? And then she heard it. Lord Bridgerton’s aggrieved shout followed by an exultant “woo-hoo!” shouted by his brother. If there was a God, it was clear to Kate, that She had heard her question and was sending a sign. Kate looked eagerly about until she saw the pink ball going her way.

Colin was leaping into the air and Anthony was having the facial expression expected in this case. Colin clearly thought love was forgiving. He didn’t fear for his life. Kate was trying her hardest not to laugh. Daphne’s words came to her mind. _Anthony just stood there smirking. Smirking! No one smirks quite like him._ And Kate thought that even if there was no chance to win this match, at least she could still be better than Viscount Bridgerton at something. In her imaginary smirking contest, she was going to win. So, while Viscount Bridgerton came tromping over towards her, Kate just stood there smirking. And when he reached his spot in front of the pink ball, glaring at her with a frowned face, Kate was still smirking. Without saying a word and before Colin could say _Miss Sheffield! It’s your turn!,_ she drew back her mallet and smacked her ball which knocked into his with stunning force, sending it hurtling even farther down the hill, right into the lake. Kate restrained herself from jumping up and shouting like a crazy woman. She just stood there smirking and clearly that was maddening for Anthony.

“Miss Sheffield, you are not going to say anything?” Anthony asked, despite knowing he might regret it later.

“Shall we end our war here or do you want it to continue?” Kate asked, without losing her smirking face. The worst part was that Anthony, for a moment, might have wanted to kiss her. How maddening was that?

Colin and Daphne, who had come dashing down the hill, arrived before Anthony had a chance to answer. It didn’t actually bother him, because he didn’t have a clear answer in his mind. Maybe it was because his mind had stopped functioning along the way.

“Absolutely brilliant,” Daphne said and Anthony rolled his eyes.

“I had been hoping you would pick up the reins of his destruction but it was even better than I have imagined. Are you certain you’re not a Bridgerton in disguise? You have truly lived up to the spirit of the game,” Colin exclaimed.

“I couldn’t have done it without you. If you hadn’t hit his ball down the hill…” Kate said.

Simon finally approached with Edwina at his side.

“A rather stunning conclusion to the game,” he said.

“Is it over?” Edwina asked.

“To continue the play now seems rather anticlimactic. Furthermore, we should return to Albert and it’s starting to cloud over. I want to get Daphne in before it starts to rain. Delicate condition and all, you know,” Simon said while glancing up at the sky. Kate couldn’t help but do the same.

“Albert is their son,” Edwina whispered to Kate.

“Very well,” Colin said. “I propose we end the game and declare Miss Sheffield the winner.”

“I was far behind the rest of you,” Kate said.

“Nevertheless any true aficionado of Bridgerton Pall Mall understands that sending Anthony into the lake is far more important than actually sending one’s ball through all the wickets. Which makes you our winner, Miss Sheffield,” Daphne said.

“Does anyone disagree?” Colin asked and no one answered. “Excellent. Miss Sheffield is our winner, and Anthony, you are our loser.”

For the first time since Anthony had met them, Kate and Edwina’s expressions and gestures mirrored each other as they choked on a laugh.

“Well, someone has to lose. It’s tradition,” Colin said.

“It’s true. We’re a bloodthirsty lot, but we do like to follow tradition,” Daphne said.

“You’re all mad in the head is what you are,” the duke said affably and Kate and Edwina couldn’t have agreed more. The duke excused himself and the duchess for leaving without helping to clear the course. Of course, no one minded. Once they had left, Edwina asked if they should try to retrieve the ball.

When no one had a reply, Edwina threw down her mallet saying, “Fine! I’ll get the silly old ball.”

“I’ll get it,” Colin said going down the hill.

“For the love of Christ,” Anthony muttered. “I’ll get the bloody ball.” He followed Colin and quickly overtook him.

Meanwhile, Kate and Edwina went to the shed to put their mallets neatly away.

“I’m glad he lost to you,” Edwina said. “Maybe I overreacted when I threw the mallet at the Viscount, not that I regretted it. The Bridgertons are mad but I did have fun. Thank you for inviting me, Kate.”

“You did what?” Kate said widening her eyes.

“He deserved it. It’s not like I hurt him. He could treat my big sister a lot better, don’t you agree? Shall you want to marry him, I’m sure we’ll get along better know that we understand each other better,” Edwina said and Kate mouth fell open in astonishment. Did she hear just right?

“You’re not funny!” Kate said, but her mind tricked her and she found herself staring at a blanket for the demon itself. Edwina noticed it and told Kate to take it to him.

“Go. I’ll continue clearing the curse. I’m sure soon enough Colin will realise that you don’t need two people to pick one ball,” Edwina said and Kate laughed.

“This doesn’t mean-” Kate started saying and Edwina interrupted her.

“We’re sisters. You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Edwina said.

“I love you,” Kate said before leaving the shed with the blanket in her hand.

Anthony was looking for the pink ball. Surely such a colour ought to show through the water.

“Do you see it?” Colin asked.

Colin scanned the water and suddenly pointed with his index finger. “There it is.”

Anthony saw it and sighed. He would have to take off his boots and wade into the water.

“I’m going to help Miss Sheffield pull up the wickets,” Colin said, seeing his brother could manage on his own.

Anthony sat on a rock and removed his boots. He was going to wade into the water to save the pink ball. The pink ball that would always remind him of his lose to Miss Sheffield. Something was definitely bad with his decision-making. Anthony shook his head in resignation and waded in.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said standing on the shore. Was she mocking him?

“You’re not sorry,” Anthony said.

“I didn’t consider the fact another ball would be lost into the water or that someone would have to get wet to retrieve it. And for that, I’m sorry. I’m not such a terrible person, you know” Kate said and Anthony sighed. He leaned down and scooped up the ball. “I know,” he replied as he waded back out.

“Here,” she said, holding out what looked like a blanket.

“Thank you,” Anthony managed to say as he took the blanket from her hands. He sat on the rock so he could dry his feet, dropping the ball onto the ground next to him.

Kate smiled, watching him as he pulled on his stockings and boots. She shouldn’t have stared but there was something intimate about the moment that was somehow making her heart beat fast. It was only stockings, boots and naked feet. What was wrong with her? It hadn’t been her best decision to bring him a blanket. She needed to stay away from him. She reached down and picked up the pink ball.

“I’d better carry this back to the shed,” Kate said and Lord Bridgerton smiled wickedly. Was it getting hotter?

“In case I’m overcome by an uncontrollable urge to toss it back in the lake?” he asked. Kate was actually more worried about her need to toss herself into the lake.

“Something like that,” Kate said.

“I’ll take the blanket, then,” he said as he stood up. Damn. He was ready to go up with her.

“A fair trade,” Kate said as she was considering tossing the ball into the lake again. She turned to walk up the hill, then spied Colin and Edwina disappearing into the distance. A nightmare. A nightmare that she brought upon herself. What kind of decisions was she making? Was she making a fool out of herself?

“It seems your sister and my brother have decided to head back without us,” Anthony said.

Kate scowled at their errant siblings. Edwina wasn’t kidding. She actually thought Kate was interested in him. And to make things worse she was starting to believe it. May God help her! She shrugged in resignation as she started trudging up the hill. She made the mistake of looking up at him. He was staring at her in the oddest manner… She should have tossed herself into the lake when she had the chance.

The trip to the shed was met with silence. Kate set the pink ball in its spot in the Pall Mall cart, noting that Colin and Edwina had cleared the course and put everything neatly away.

“The blanket goes in here, my lord,” she said.

“I’ll bring it up to the house for a good cleaning,” Lord Bridgerton said and Kate just nodded. They shut the door and were off.

Anthony whistled as they ambled up the path to the house, stealing glances at Kate when she wasn’t looking. She was walking fast but there wasn’t anything surprising about it. She always walked as if she were in a race. He glanced back over at her again. She was looking toward the sky.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Believe me, you wouldn’t want to know,” Kate said.

“Now I’m definitely interested in knowing,” Lord Bridgerton said.

“Then I suppose I am the one that wouldn’t want you to know,” Kate said. Her face might have been begging he wouldn’t keep asking.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” he asked. Kate stared at him in astonishment. His attitude could be compared to a five-year old boy.

“Seriously? It’s not like we were friends. The last time I checked we were at war, my lord. Why would I tell you?” Kate asked back.

“Last time you checked, I didn’t answer,” Anthony said.

“Oh! And that changes everything, doesn’t it?” Kate joked.

“We shall end our war,” Anthony stated.

“I agree. I didn’t start it in the first place. What is it now? Peace treaty again?” Kate asked.

“No,” Anthony said.

“No?” Kate asked.

“We’re friends now,” he said and Kate’s mouth opened in astonishment. She sighted.

“Do you really want to know it that bad?” Kate asked.

“Please,” Lord Bridgerton said. There was something definitely wrong with the way he was looking at her. Kate swallowed. She needed to end this.

“As a friend, would you promise not to laugh?” Kate asked.

“I do,” Lord Bridgerton said and Kate narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“And how do I know I can trust you?” Kate asked.

“You trust me and I trust you will answer my question with the utmost honesty. It’s not like I have any kind of leverage,” Lord Bridgerton said.

“But you do, my lord. I’ll be answering first. You’ll owe an honest answer then. And a second one, shall you fail your promise not to laugh,” Kate said.

“I don’t think one is supposed to negotiate with friends,” Lord Bridgerton said.

“True but considering friends are not supposed to lie to each other, this would be hardly a debt for you, my lord, if you are to be a good friend. This shall be a one-time goodwill gesture to leave the war behind and start this friendship,” Kate said.

“I can’t argue with that,” Lord Bridgerton said.

“Then, it’s a deal. I’ll let you know when I’m collection your debt, my lord,” Kate said.

“Of course you will,” Lord Bridgerton muttered under his breath.

“I beg your pardon?” Kate asked, cocking her head to the side.

“I said you should call me Anthony, Kate,” Lord Bridgerton said staring at Kate. Kate, maybe for the first time in her life, wished for a storm. Was she playing with fire? She might just be burning. There was obviously something wrong with her self - preservation instinct.

“I hate storms,” Kate managed to said.

“What?” Anthony asked.

“You wanted to know what was wrong. That was why I was looking at the sky. I hate storms. And when I said I hate storms I mean storms frighten me. A lot. Even if I am inside my home, even if I rationally understand that nothing is going to happen, storms frighten me a lot. Now you know it,” Kate said.

“I’m sure we will reach home before it starts raining. Maybe it’s just a gentle rain,” Anthony said. Not only did he not laugh but he was being comforting. Was it really that easy to go from war to friends? Kate couldn’t help asking herself if it would be equally easy to go back to war.


	6. His worst fears

Could this friendship really work? Kate was really curious about it.

“I believe being friends turned to be a good decision. You’re a really good at it. You didn’t laugh, you were comforting. I’m surprised. I shouldn’t have doubted you, Anthony,” Kate said. It felt really weird to say his name but she was going to explore this friendship while it lasted.

“I’m not such a terrible person, you know,” Anthony said.

“Neither I am. So, I shared you my irrational fear, now I believe it’s your turn. What do you fear?” Kate asked smiling. She was really intrigued. Would this be the end of this? Anthony stopped walking. He should have expected this from Kate. He didn’t answer.

“I’m supposed to believe that you have no fears? For just a human who makes mistakes, I don’t think I can believe that” Kate insisted.

“No, of course I have fears but do you really expect me to share?” Anthony asked. He had a face that would make Penelope think he could get away with murder too.

“I shared it. Why wouldn’t you?” Kate asked.

“Because it’s different,” Anthony said like it was the most obvious thing and he regretted as soon as Kate’s face transformed.

Kate planted her hands on her hips, the expression in her eyes a little bit furious.

“And what’s the difference?” she asked. B _ecause I’m a man_ , he thought, but of course he didn’t say it. He knew that kind of answer would make Kate angry.

“The difference is that I’ve never shared my fears,” Anthony said.

“And what makes you think that I have?” Kate asked.

Anthony froze. There was really not a good answer to that question.

“You haven’t?” Anthony asked.

“Not until now,” Kate said.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Kate asked staring at him. How could Anthony have thought being her friend was a good idea?

“Why didn’t you share it with Edwina or anyone else?” Anthony asked only because he had to say something.

“It’s funny that you believe you have the right to ask all the questions while at the same time you evade answering mine. Also why are you asking me why I didn’t share when I have shared it with you and you are the one that haven’t shared it with anyone yet? Why didn’t you share it with Benedict or Colin? Why can’t you share it with me now?” Kate asked. Anthony felt trapped. Whatever he might say, he was sure Kate wouldn’t approve. He sighted.

“Alright, I will share it with you,” Anthony said and Kate was transformed again. She looked as happy as a child who was about to receive a present.

“You will?” Kate said smiling with all her face. And Anthony felt it. That damnable spark that never seemed to dim between them. The prickle of awareness that burned every time she entered a room or breathe. That sinking feeling that he could, if he let himself, love her.

“Would you promise not to laugh?” Anthony asked.

“I promise,” Kate said.

“Shall you fail your promise not to laugh, what would be your debt?” Anthony asked.

“An honest answer?” Kate asked.

“Love,” Anthony said.

“Pardon me?” Kate said as her eyes widened.

“I fear love,” Anthony finally said. He was really intrigued about Kate’s reaction. Kate just stared at him for a while, trying to figure out if he was for real.

“Would you care to elaborate on that? Is it an irrational fear just like mine? Or do you have an actual reason for it?” Kate asked.

“I feel it’s rational. Shall one avoid attachments here on earth, the great beyond would hold not terror,” Anthony said.

“So you fear death like every other mortal, that’s it?” Kate asked.

But Anthony didn’t see it that way. He was not afraid of death. Death wasn’t frightening to a man alone. But love was the enemy of the dying man. And he was a dying man. Something had happened to him the night his father had died and after emerging from his parents’ bedroom where his body was, he somehow knew that his days were numbered, and numbered in the same way his father’s had been. Anthony’s father was the greatest man he’d ever known. Edmund had been everything to him. He’d always aspired to be as great as him, knowing that that was unlikely, yet trying all the same. To actually achieve more than Edmund had, in any way, was simply impossible.

He had seen love was truly spectacular every day of his childhood, every time his parents had shared a glance or touched hands. And to taste the bliss of love knowing that it would all be snatched away could make the rest of his years intolerable.

He hadn’t, of course, shared his thoughts about his own mortality with anyone else, even his brothers and he wasn’t going to share it with Kate. It was not the sort of thing one wanted to advertise. If someone had come up to him and said the same thing, he probably would have laughed. His fear of love might have not been irrational but he wouldn’t be able to explain rationally how he simply knew that he could not live longer than his father had lived. He just felt it in his bones.

“No, I don’t fear death,” Anthony said.

“I don’t understand. Isn’t death what makes you fear love?” Kate asked.

“Death is unavoidable,” Anthony said and Kate narrowed her eyes.

“And love is avoidable? Is that what you’re saying?” Kate asked.

“Yes, love is avoidable,” Anthony said.

“Do you know that everyone is convinced that you are in pursuit of a wife?” Kate asked. She was one of them, believing he was interested in marrying Edwina.

“I’m in pursuit of a wife,” Anthony said and Kate’s eyes widened. He ought to settle down, have a son. He had a title to pass on, after all.

“So you want to marry and avoid love at the same time?” Kate asked.

That was exactly what Anthony wanted. That was why he had considered Edwina to be his wife. It was also the reason why Kate would never do. She was far, far too dangerous to his peace of mind.

“I’m sorry. Did you believe that everyone married out of love?” Anthony asked smiling wickedly and Kate frowned.

“Of course not. But I did believe someone as privileged as you, who could actually choose someone he loved, would do so,” Kate said.

“Someone as privileged as me?” Anthony asked back. He had that smile in his face that could make Kate lose her mind.

“Yes, someone as privileged as you. I’m sorry. Did you believe you were not privileged? Shall you want to, you could choose love. You’re a man. You have money, a title, and a family that loves you. You could choose anyone and your family would support you, even if you were to leave the title to your brother and run far away,” Kate said thinking in what she had overheard when he was with Siena. “How many people around you would be able to do the same? I certainly wouldn’t. But of course, it wouldn’t be a privilege, if you couldn’t use it as you desire.”

As Anthony desired… The only thing he desired at the moment was to kiss her.

Why was he staring at her like that? Although she was really into this conversation and wanted to learn more about his mind, she still had doubts about this friendship. She wasn’t exactly feeling comfortable right now. She was feeling it was getting harder to breathe. At least they were reaching their destination, already walking through the flower gardens. She wanted this to end. But at the same time there was so much more she wanted to learn. If he didn’t want love, why wasn’t he married yet? It should be easy for him to find a wife. But what she really wanted to understand was what was wrong with love. Shall she have all his experience, would she think that way too? If Penelope was right, he might be avoiding love because he had already found it. Maybe he loved Siena. If she understood it right, they would have run away together if Anthony had killed Simon in the duel. Or maybe he had just let her think that way and that’s why she said she wouldn’t be his fool again. He could definitely manipulate anyone with that face.

“What?” Kate asked as Anthony walked closer to her.

“What would you desire?” Anthony asked staring at Kate. Kate’s eyes widened as her mouth opened but she couldn’t say any word. Her body was stiff. _What would she desire._ Whatever that meant? _What would she desire_ if she was in his shoes? Shall she be able to choose? Shall she be able to propose to someone? Shall that be the case, she would care very little about society. She would only marry for love, even if it meant losing money or a title. And if she couldn’t find love, she wouldn’t mind staying single. Or maybe that was not what his question meant. _What would she desire_ for a husband? She had assumed she wouldn’t marry. If it was hard for her to find a man she could respect, she wasn’t sure what it would take for her to actually fall in love. Or maybe Penelope was right an she… She couldn’t even think about it. _What would she desire?_ Right now? She had mixed feelings. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to run away or kiss him.

“Don’t move,” Anthony whispered. For a second, Kate thought she was going to get her kiss. But it was her mind tricking her because Anthony’s voice and face had changed. Was that fear in his voice?

Anthony had heard a low buzz. Nothing, to Anthony, could have been more terrifying. Kate’s eyes narrowed, and of course she moved, trying to twist about.

“What is wrong?” Kate whispered, not sure why.

“Just don’t move,” he repeated.

She started scanning the area until she found it. She sighed in relief.

“It’s just a bee! Don’t you ever do that again! You had me scared for a moment,” Kate said as she lifted her hand to swat it away. Anthony’s hand shot out and grasped her wrist with painful force.

“I said don’t move,” he said. That’s all Kate needed to hear to know that there was something wrong with him. But she couldn’t just guess what was it.

“Don’t tell me what to do without giving me an explanation!” Kate exclaimed.

“There’s a bee,” Anthony said, his eyes never leaving it, watching as it buzzed around her head.

“I know but it’s not going to kill us. There’s no need to act this way,” Kate said. She was starting to get worried but not exactly about the bee.

“It might kill us. Just be quiet. We’re going to walk away slowly,” Anthony said. His father had died after being stung by a bee. Anthony was not afraid of them. He was going to die one way or another. But seeing the bee, here at Aubrey Hall where his father had died, flying around Kate, it was making him sick.

“I’m going to do as you say but you need to let go of my wrist right now,” Kate said although she wasn’t so sure if she was going to obey him. There was something in his eyes… he looked possessed. Anthony didn’t let go. So she pulled until she somehow managed to yank her hand from his crushing grasp. But she lost her balance once her hand was free and she was going to fall backwards. Anthony reacted fast. He grabbed her and tugged on her hand, trying to pull her his way so she wouldn’t fall. Kate’s body ended against his as Anthony caught her in an embrace.

Anthony thought that at least, this way, surrounded by his body, the bee would have more chances of stinging him instead of Kate. Little did he know!

Kate’s mind was confused by so many sensations, feelings and doubts. Her head was lying against Anthony’s chest and she could feel his breathing, his heart beating, the warmth of his body. But there were sensations from her very own body, like the pain on her chest for having just been stung by the damn bee. And then there were all this mixed feelings, like the anger growing inside her because the way Anthony behaved leaded to this moment. At the same time, she was feeling comfortable in his arms. What was wrong with her? And then there was something else that she didn’t know exactly how to name, but she was starting to get used to feeling that way around him. There were also the doubts. Should she push him away or pull him toward her? Should she let all her anger out and blame him for this? Would he be able to deal with the fact that she was stung by the damn bee? Was it safer if he wouldn’t realise it? He was clearly frightened by the bee. It couldn’t be a good decision to let him know, right?

Kate took her hand to her chest and brushed any remains of the bee from her. Then she took her hand to his chest and pushed herself away from him.

Anthony’s body missed her warmth as soon as she moved away. It wasn’t until then that he realised he had been calm for a moment, while holding her. Now that his mind was thinking again, he realised that he might have relaxed because he couldn’t hear or see the bee anymore. He stared at her as she lifted her face.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered as she turned pale. Was it the bee again? Anthony twisted around and saw two women staring at them with equal expressions of shock. His mother and Mrs. Featherington, one of the ton’s biggest gossip.

“Anthony?” Lady Bridgerton gasped as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.

“Mother?” Anthony asked back.

“Anthony, what were you doing?” Lady Bridgerton asked, with the same face and tone of voice she used when scolding her children.

“There was a bee,” he said grimly. Lady Bridgerton’s eyes misted over with understanding.

“I see,” she said in a small, sad voice. Kate’s eyes widened. She had no idea what Lady Bridgerton did _see._ Was Kate the only one who couldn’t see? No, she wasn’t the only one.

“You see?” Mrs. Featherington asked. “I saw the two of them embracing each other and I saw no bee” A disapproving frown crossed her face, but it was clear that she was enjoying herself greatly. Kate couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had evidence that the bee used to be there. She didn’t quite trust Anthony to see the evidence though. Kate moved to Lady Bridgerton’s side before speaking up.

“Of course there was a bee. I was stung right here!” Kate said while pointing with her finger at the round red welt that was still rising on the thin skin covering her collarbone.

The ladies stared at her bee sting, their skin assuming identical blushes of crimson. Meanwhile Anthony had gone white. “Oh, my God,” he whispered. Kate was already picturing him trying to remove the sting, completely past any pretensions toward proper behaviour and never minding the presence of his mother and Mrs. Featherington. Maybe she wasn’t the only one that considered him capable of that.

“Anthony!” Lady Bridgerton exclaimed, clearly implying a warning.

“Well? What are we going to do?” Mrs. Featherington asked as everyone’s eyes turned on her in disbelief.

“We? I thank you for your worry but it’s only a bee sting. I’ll be perfectly fine after applying a poultice,” Kate said and although she was mostly reassuring herself, it seemed like no one listened to her. In fact, Mrs. Featherington clearly ignored her.

“You have to marry the chit,” Mrs. Featherington announced and Kate felt the air in her lungs leave her as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She must be mad.

“You must be mad. It’s just a bee sting. I was going to fall backwards and he held me. That’s not a reason to marry,” Kate said. And again, it was as she wasn’t even there. Was she only moving her mouth without any sound leaving it? It felt like she was having a nightmare where she was just a viewer and not actually involved in the plot. Maybe the bee had killed her and this was hell.

“I fail to see how you have any say in the matter,” Anthony said looking at Mrs. Featherington. Kate knew he was talking with Mrs. Featherington only because he was looking at her because clearly he could have said the same thing to her considering she wasn’t being included in the conversation.

“It’s going to make a tidy piece of gossip no matter how you describe it. The ton’s most fervent bachelor, brought down by a bee. I must say, my lord, it’s not how I imagined it,” Mrs. Featherington said. Did the woman have a death wish?

“There is not going to be any gossip. No one is going to say a word. I will not see Miss Sheffield’s reputation besmirched in any way,” Anthony growled, advancing on her with a menacing air. Mrs. Featherington’s eyes bugged out with disbelief.

“You think you can keep something like this quiet? Anyone could have seen from the house,” Mrs. Featherington said.

“She’s right, Anthony. You were in full view of the guest wing,” Lady Bridgerton said.

Kate looked from Lady Bridgerton to Anthony. While Lady Bridgerton’s expression showed concern, Anthony’s expression was hard. He couldn’t be considering it, resigning to it. Kate was ready to say that little did she care who could have seen her, but Anthony spoke first.

“We will marry next week,” he stated and Kate stared at him with a look of frenzied hatred. Was he mad? _We?_ Was he including her? Deciding for her? This was such a mess. No one care about her opinion. But even if her opinion was not been considered, how could they think this was a good decision?

“Oh, good!” Lady Bridgerton said with great relief. _Good?_ Neither Anthony nor Lady Bridgerton seemed to have his happiness in consideration. This was not how she had pictured this family. Even if Anthony didn’t care about love, he must have been searching for something particular in her future wife or he would already be married. There must be another option. How could Anthony have every privilege and still have his fate decided by a bee? There was no way he could resign to that fate, right? He had to have a plan. That was it. Kate tried to convince herself that Anthony had a plan but of course he wouldn’t share it in front of Mrs. Featherington. He would make this right, wouldn’t he? She needed to know what the hell he was thinking.

“I believe my fiancé and I should talk privately,” Kate stated, her voice was loud, firm and clear. She was determined to be heard. She walked to Anthony’s side, staring at him with anger in her eyes.

“Miss Sheffield, you might tell your face to smile. You’re marrying a viscount,” Mrs. Featherington said and the anger in Kate’s eyes turned into hate. Anthony grabbed her hand and looked at her mother asking for help. She removed her from their presence in less than a minute. Why was Anthony so determined to save Mrs. Featherington’s life? He had no idea.


	7. Choices

“Let’s walk,” Anthony murmured, slipping his arm through hers and guiding her into the gazebo. The gazebo was surrounded by lilac bushes and afforded them considerable privacy. Anthony knew they wouldn’t be seen from the house.

“We have a problem,” Kate said facing him, once they stopped walking.

“I know. I’ll take care of it,” Anthony said and Kate felt relieved for a moment. Maybe even only for a second. The second it took Anthony to focus on her chest and pluck the stinger from her skin with steady hands. And Kate could only think that something was really wrong with his priorities.

“Are you alright?” Anthony asked. Kate frowned, her eyes full of hate. The answer was pretty clear, wasn’t it? It’s not like she was the only one who wasn’t expecting this to happen but Anthony knew he was responsible for it.

“I’m sorry,” Anthony finally said.

“For what?” Kate asked as she came out of her trance.

“I’m sorry because I failed at protecting you from the bee and for everything that happened after,” Anthony said.

“Does that include the fact that you decided for me that we were marrying next week?” Kate asked.

“You do realise that I didn’t have much of a choice?” Anthony asked.

“And that justifies the way I was treated? Did you realise that no one cared to hear me?” Kate asked and Anthony sighed.

“I’m truly sorry. What would you like to do?” Anthony asked.

“Thank you. First I’d like to know why you acted that way because of a bee. Your mother said _I see_ when you told her there was a bee. What do you two know that I’m missing?” Kate asked.

“My father died here, at Aubrey Hall, after being stung by a bee. He had been stung by a bee before but that time it was different. Of course, I’ve come into contact with bees since them, but I was not afraid of them. When one flew by, I swatted it away with my hand. In fact, I believe I’d never been stung. I don’t know what happened to me today. Maybe it was because we were here, at Aubrey Hall. We don’t come here a lot since he passed away, you know?” Anthony asked.

“Your mother told us this was your primary home until you moved it to London once your father passed away. I’m sorry for your loss,” Kate said. She felt terrible. Not only had she had thought that he might be mad, but now she was the one having mad thoughts. What would have happened if he was the one stung by the bee? Could he have the same condition his father had? A shiver ran through her body.

“Or maybe it was because it was you,” Anthony said and Kate forgot how to breathe. 

“What do you mean?” Kate asked.

“If you haven’t notice, you have the ability to drive me crazy,” Anthony said as he got closer to her. “What would you like to do?” He was staring at her. _What would she like to do?_ Was he determined to drive her crazy now? The growing heat in her abdomen wasn’t letting her think and Anthony had that damn smirking face that made Kate sure that he was enjoying the confusion he provoked on her. Kate sighted, for not actual reason. It was just a voluntary act to remember how controlling her body felt.

“Right, I was answering your question. Now that I know the reason behind your behaviour, I would like to know what your plan is,” Kate said.

“My plan?” Anthony asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Yes, your plan. You don’t want to marry me. I don’t want to marry you. How are you going to stop this madness?” Kate asked.

“I don’t have a plan,” Anthony said. He intended to marry her.

“So you plan to marry me and be miserable for the rest of your life?” Kate asked.

“Isn’t there another option?” Anthony asked.

“Have you thought of one? You have a week to fix this, do you think you can do it?” Kate asked. Was there hope in her eyes? Was it that terrible having to marry him? Would she prefer to be ruined forever? This was certainly not the most flattering of reactions.

“I don’t think I can. I believe there is nothing else to do. With Portia Featherington as a witness, there is little we can do to prevent people from talking. I don’t trust that woman to keep her mouth shut any longer than it takes her to return to the house. Of course no one will force you to marry but if we don’t marry, chances are you’re going to be ruined, no matter how unfair it seems. I know your situation is worse than mine. I understand that you’re trapped between two bad alternatives and I don’t believe I can offer you a third one. What I can offer, as a privileged man, is this. If you don’t want to marry and you don’t want to be the one that backs out of this marriage, I’ll do it for you. And shall you want to marry, if there’s anything I can do for you not to hate the idea, for you not to feel miserable for the rest of your life, I’m listening. I’m not that terrible, you know” Anthony said.

Oh my God! Kate was astonished by his answer. It wasn’t only that she was really expecting a third option, but just a minute ago she hated the idea of marriage and now she was ready to propose to him. Could she be that mad and out of experience that she might be considering this gesture to be romantic? At least, he remembered she had a saying in this even if he was aware of her less privileged situation. It seemed like a nice gesture but she had decided that she was not to trust her ability to think while being close to him. So clearly, she wasn’t going to answer this while she felt she was melting inside.

“I don’t get it. Why do you care about me? What about you? Don’t you hate the idea? Won’t you feel miserable for the rest of your life?” Kate asked.

Anthony’s first reaction was similar to Kate’s. Utter horror. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to choose her as a wife. But he wanted to marry. All he had to do was make certain he didn’t actually fall in love with her. Which shouldn’t prove impossible, right?

“Of course it wouldn’t make me happy to make you miserable. And no man likes to be forced into marriage, especially because of a bee. But you know I wanted to get married and we’ve become friends of a sort and that’s more than most men and women have at the beginning of a union,” Anthony said.

Seriously? Was he mad?

“Am I to believe that the fact that we’ve been friends for the last hour is enough for you to marry? I know you didn’t want to marry for love but I’m sure you wanted something more than this new friendship or you’d have already got married with, basically, any lady. You wouldn’t have chosen me if not for this. How can you be fine with it?” Kate asked. Anthony sighed. She was so maddening that she was going to make him say it. He moved even closer and Kate sucked in her breath.

“I wouldn’t have chosen you. You are right about that. But wouldn’t you agree that there are far worse fates than finding oneself married to an intelligent, entertaining woman whom one happened to lust after around the clock?” Anthony asked while letting his forefinger trail down the side of her cheek. He wanted her. Kate didn’t understand how she was still standing when she was feeling that her legs were made of jelly. She had many questions. Since when did he happen to feel that way? How many other women did he happen to lust after around the clock? But these questions could wait. There was something else Kate wanted to know. Kate stared at him.

“Kiss me,” she said slipping her arms around his neck. She didn’t have to ask twice. Anthony rested his hands on her waist and pulled her against him. He kissed her and it was like nothing Kate could have imagined. She expected the kiss to put out the fire she was feeling. Contrary to her expectations, his every touch was stoking the fire in her.

It started as a soft kiss but quickly escalated into one of passionate intensity. His hands slowly travelled along her back and hips. Anthony knew he should stop but Kate was not only kissing him back, she was responding to his every touch. He felt she belonged in her arms. With great reluctance, he slowly tore himself away from her. They stood apart, both catching their breath.

“I suspect we shall suit well enough,” Anthony said with a smirking face.

“And you figured that out the moment your hands cupped the contours of my behind?” Kate asked and Anthony burst into laughter, covering his mouth with his hand.

“You’re terrible, Kate Sheffield,” Anthony said and Kate opened her mouth pretending to be offended. He could have a pleasant marriage with Kate. He’d enjoy her friendship and enjoy her body and keep it at that. It didn’t have to go any deeper.

“I thought I was supposed to be entertaining. I’ll think of my conditions to be not miserably married and let you know,” Kate said.

“I expected nothing less from you,” Anthony said.

“We shall return so you can have an entertaining talk with Mary,” Kate said.

…

The first person Kate saw when she entered the house was Edwina, and she asked if she could talk to her alone. Was Portia already talking as Anthony anticipated?

“What did you hear?” Kate asked as soon as they were alone.

“Nothing. What should I have heard?” Edwina asked.

“I’ll tell you later. You tell me first,” Kate said.

“You won’t believe who I’ve just met,” Edwina said looking incredibly happy. Kate thought it for a second.

“Don’t tell me Lady Bridgerton invited a scholar?” Kate asked.

“No. Not a scholar. A professor. Who would have guessed I would meet a professor here?” Edwina said.

“Who is he? Is he here?” Kate asked. She had to make an actual effort not to turn around as if she could guess someone’s profession just because of their appearance.

“He is the one looking out the windows,” Edwina said. Kate turned her head to the left and found him. After looking at him, she was certain that she could have figured out his profession. Kate stared at her sister. She had assumed her sister was interested in this person for the way she was speaking but it couldn’t be, could it? He was too old. Then a thought crossed her mind.

“Have you ever considered that it’s not that you would like to marry a scholar or a professor but that what you actually want is to be one yourself?” Kate asked and Edwina stared at her. How did Kate not have that idea before? It seemed quite obvious now.

“I would be a fool wanting such things,” Edwina finally said. Kate understood Edwina’s feelings. Ladies didn’t have access to the same education that gentleman had. And for the first time since the incident with the bee, Kate thought that something good could turn out of her marriage with Anthony. Her first condition not to be miserable was whatever would make Edwina happy. And it did have a lot of sense for Kate. She had let all the pressure of marriage in Edwina’s shoulders thinking that that was what Edwina wanted. Because it was what any woman was supposed to want.

“Nevertheless, you should consider if there’s a way or something similar that would make you as equally happy. And if you come to the conclusion that my thinking is wrong, you should also have in mind that there is no longer any pressure of time. You are young to have to decide in so little time something that is supposed to last for the rest of your life. You could have as many seasons in London as you wanted. You could take all the time you need to meet the right person. You could date for as long as you want. You could enjoy the longest betrothal in history. You could stay single. Anything. Anything you want. Think about all the possibilities. Whatever you want, we will tell your future brother-in-law to make it happen for you,” Kate said. If Kate’s only options were to be married or ruined, she might as well make the best of it by letting Edwina have all the options Kate would have liked to have.

“Oh my God! You’re marrying Viscount Bridgerton! Honestly, I thought it would take him longer to realise or admit that he was smitten,” Edwina whispered.

“You’re not surprised at all?” Kate asked finding it really odd. Edwina had joked or maybe not, with the fact that Kate wanted to marry him. But now she said she thought HE was smitten. Obviously it was because she hadn’t heard the whole story.

“Not even one tiny bit. But are you serious? Wouldn’t it be a little too much to ask him such a thing?” Edwina asked.

“Not at all. I’m sure he would do it happily,” Kate said thinking in what they have been talking. She wasn’t sure how to call it, though. Were they negotiating? It felt like they were making a deal and wasn’t that what marriage was about? How little love had to do with most marriages… hers wouldn’t be the exception.

“I’m glad the mallet didn’t hit him,” Edwina said and Kate laughed.

After talking with Edwina, Kate and Anthony shared the news with Mary. Mary’s face was emotionless.

“May I have just a moment with my daughter, alone?” Mary asked and Anthony left the room. 

“Are you fine with this? You know I wasn’t happy with my first husband. I would hate having to see you go through something like it,” Mary said as soon as they were alone. It wasn’t that Mary had shared with Kate before how miserable she was on her first marriage but it was something her daughters could guess based on what she concealed, based on her face, on her silence, or in the way she talked about their father, in the way she didn’t take what she had with him as granted.

Kate’s eyes were full of tears. She was so glad her father married Mary. She was glad she got to experience love and a happy marriage. She was glad Edwina had more chances of preventing what Mary had to go through in her first marriage. Kate didn’t need to ask Mary to listen to her and knowing that, after the experience of being ignored while her marriage was at discussion, meant everything to her. Knowing that Mary, the best person she knew, had to go through the experience of feeling miserable in her marriage would always make Kate’s heart break. Next week, she would be married and she couldn’t be sure her marriage would be different. The worst of it was that Anthony was right. They might have more than most men and women have at the beginning of a union. It was crazy. _Are you fine with this?_ How could anyone be fine with this?

“You are crying. You are not fine with this,” Mary said. “Oh, Kate!” Kate didn’t know when was the last time that Mary had hugged her like she was hugging her now. Mary cared about her, about her happiness and wellbeing but the truth was that if she was to answer that she was not fine with the marriage thing, Mary wouldn’t be able to change the situation. But she did make her feel better. She had no tears any more.

“This is what was expected from me. The reason we went to London in the first place. It’s not that I’m not fine with this marriage. We’ve become friends of a sort and that’s more than most men and women have at the beginning of a union,” Kate said repeating Anthony’s words. “I know I’m supposed to feel lucky. He is handsome, intelligent. He seems to care about his family. He has money and a title. He is a very good kisser. But it’s not fine, you know? The rules of society are not fine. I’m not fine with them.”

Mary’s hands moved to Kate’s shoulders, she walked backwards letting her arms straighten.

“A good kisser? Was he lying when he said you were found embracing each other? You were kissing?” Mary asked staring at her daughter.

“No, he didn’t lie. The kiss was after that. Don’t worry, no one saw us,” Kate said and Mary’s eyes and mouth opened in shock.

“Please! Don’t look me like this, Mary! If you’re going to judge someone, I believe you should judge him. Who knows how many women he had kissed before? That was my first kiss with my soon-to-be husband. Certainly not bad for someone who proclaims that rules of society are not fine,” Kate said.

“Kate Shiffield!” Mary said. Kate knew that despite looking angry, Mary was in fact relieved.

“I want to talk about something else, but it can wait,” Kate said.

“Let Anthony in and wait outside. I need to speak with him. Alone,” Mary said and Kate did it. Mary was indeed relieved. Kate wasn’t crying and however sad it might be, she was right. They did have more than most men and women have at the beginning of a union. She might not love him yet but she did like him and they were sort of friends. Edwina had told her before that she believed Anthony was smitten. If she was right, they had more chances of finding happiness in their marriage than most couples did.

“Might I call you Anthony?” Mary asked as soon as he entered the room but she didn’t quite wait for him to answer. “You should call me Mary. We’re going to be family, after all. You probably know that we’re not blood relatives with Kate. I was a widow when I married Kate’s father. She was not even five. I may not have given her life, but I have tried to be a true mother to her and as I did time ago, you’ll come to realise that there are bonds stronger than those of blood. I remember it as it were yesterday, the moment I met her. Those lovely huge brown eyes. I visited her mother’s grave and promised to be a good mother, to love and cherish her as if she were of my own flesh. So you might say that my obligation with Kate is even bigger, especially now that her father has also passed away. I made him a promise too. I promised to protect Kate and Edwina, as I’ve been doing until now. Some people might find our situation worrisome, considering we’re three women alone with no man to protect us. But I am strong enough to protect them on my own. No man has gone through what I have and I don’t mean pregnancy and childbirth. I survived an abusive husband and after his death under mysterious circumstances, I lived to be happy with the family I formed with my second husband. You might wonder why I’m telling you this. I wanted you to know how happy I’m that Kate won’t go through what I did and that I can trust you to help me keep my promises.”

She had started talking with an emotionless face and she ended smiling. Anthony was fascinated by the fact that Mary could speak as fast as Kate. Kate might have learnt it from her. And if Anthony had learnt anything from this conversation was that Mary’s daughters have learnt a lot from her. He used to think that the Sheffield sisters were to be feared. Now he knew better. It was the entire family that was to be feared and against his better judgement knowing that made him happy.


	8. The longest day

After talking again with Mary, Kate took a bath and changed her clothes. Once she was ready to go down to supper, she started to feel anxious. Edwina, who was sharing a room with Kate, had already gone to Mary’s chamber to help her choose a necklace. Meanwhile, Kate was walking in circles around her room. She wasn’t really good at staying still. Did she really have to be present in the announcement of their engagement? Shall she really put up put up with everyone’s comments? Everyone was going to think Viscount Bridgerton was trapped. Should she pretend to be ill and save herself from the embarrassment she was going to feel? She couldn’t be that coward, right?

As the dinner bell sounded, alerting guests that it was time to assemble in the drawing room, with great reluctance, she walked into the hall outside her bedroom door to meet Mary. She refused to be a coward. Before Mary and Edwina came out, the door across the hall opened, and out walked Penelope.

“Kate!” Penelope called out, after closing her door behind her. “You won’t believe what I heard.”

“If you have heard it from your mother, I believe it’s true” Kate said.

“What does that mean?” Penelope asked.

“What did you hear?” Kate asked although she didn’t want to hear it.

“Mother says Anthony is smitten,” Penelope said.

“She what?” Kate asked. Her eyes wide with surprise.

“Exactly what you heard. Anthony is smitten according to her.”

Why would she say that? Kate couldn’t help wondering. Was Anthony wrong about her? Maybe Lady Bridgerton had a talk with her.

“I was wrong. I guess one can’t always trust the gossips. Your mother was just being nice,” Kate said.

“My mother being nice?” Penelope asked.

“Why don’t the two of us go down to supper together and I tell you the newest gossip? It seems your family and mine are both delayed,” Kate said.

They informed their mothers of the change in plans and headed down the hall.

Maybe the evening wasn’t going to be so bad. Her family, Anthony’s family, Penelope would be there… Maybe she could make it through the evening. Or maybe she wouldn’t. She was nervous. If Mary could see her right now, she would tell her to stop crumpling her dress. She just couldn’t leave her hands still.

When they reached the drawing room, much of the company was already in attendance, milling about and chatting as they waited for the rest of the guests to come down.

“And here I was thinking that we could have more privacy. I didn’t realize Lady Bridgerton had invited so many people,” Kate said. What was she thinking? Edwina had already met a professor. Of course this place would be crowded. Was it too late to pretend to be ill? Kate did a sweep of the room to see who was there.

“Someone could say she is really eager to see her sons married, which reminds me you were going to tell me the newest gossip,” Penelope said and Kate sighed.

“Lady Whistledown is going to be busy,” Kate said.

“Great! Then maybe she can forget to write about my dress. My mother is convinced that yellow is a happy colour and that a happy girl will snare a husband,” Penelope explained.

“Oh, dear,” Kate said, snorting a giggle.

“Now that I remember, she has written about my dress once before,” Kate said offering her a sympathetic smile.

“That time I heard you saying you hated it,” Penelope said.

“I remembered saying that. I don’t remember you were there. You know, not long ago, I told Edwina that I couldn't feel insulted when the only thing a gossip column has to say about me, is how bad I looked in a particular dress. The good old times. Now I wish she would write about my dress,” Kate said.

“Are you saying the newest gossip is about you? I thought it might be about Anthony. Or could it be… Oh, no! Cressida Cowper is coming this way,” Penelope whispered as she rolled her eyes. Kate could barely say she had met her.

“Is it that bad?” Kate asked.

“She is a bully,” Penelope whispered.

“Kate. Penelope. What a surprise to see you here,” Cressida said as she was drawing up alongside them.

“And why is that?” Kate asked and Cressida blinked.

“I suppose it is not such a surprise to see you here, as your sister is very much in demand, but Penelope’s presence… Well, who am I to judge? Lady Bridgerton is a most kindhearted woman,” Cressida said. If Kate had to stand her presence for much longer, she wouldn’t have to pretend to be sick.

When Anthony entered the room, the first thing he noticed was Kate’s angry face. Surprisingly it wasn’t aimed at him. It didn’t take him long to recognize the person who was probably irritating her. Cressida Cowper. Penelope was there and she didn’t look exactly happy either.

“Well, if your opinion wasn’t asked, it probably means you’re no one to judge. Although, I believe there must be others explanations. People usually don’t fancy talking with a bully, especially when they’re kindhearted,” Kate said.

“The downside of being a bully, I would say. I prefer the advantages of having friends,” Penelope added, smiling at Kate.

Cressida made a breathy little “Oh” sound, as if she had any right to be offended.

“Oh! Lord Bridgerton!” Cressida said.

Kate moved to the side to allow the viscount into their small circle. Anthony shot Cressida a hard look and turned quite deliberately to Kate and Penelope murmuring their names in greeting. I couldn’t have gone better shall they have planned it. Kate guessed he didn’t like bullies either.

“Miss Sheffield,” he said smoothly, “I hope you will excuse us as I escort Miss Featherington in to dinner.”

“But you can’t escort her in!” Cressida blurted out. As the man of the house, he was supposed to escort the highest-ranking woman.

“I’m sorry. Had I included you in the conversation?” Anthony said giving Cressida an icy stare. Anthony offered Penelope his arm, turning his back on Cressida in the process. Kate recognised in Cressida’s face that she was mortified.

“It feels really nice having someone you can count on. I hope you get to experience that. Of course, it would depend entirely on you,” Kate said.

The night was just starting. Could this day be any longer? Apparently, it could.

Later that night, after supper was done and Anthony had announced their engagement; after congratulations, questions, and innuendos were tossed her way by Lady Bridgerton’s guests; after Lady Bridgerton had cleared her throat and discreetly suggested that it might be time to turn in… Kate couldn’t sleep.

It had been the longest day and she expected to fall asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. She was tired and her mind needed some rest after all that happened. She’d already lain in bed for more than an hour, staring up into the dark, shutting her eyes every now and then, changing her position and trying to will herself to sleep. Oh, she had tried but it wasn’t working. How could she think she could make her mind still when she couldn’t even do it with her body? At this rate she wasn’t going to get any sleep for a week. She pushed back her covers and rose to her feet.

She needed to stop thinking about him, about the kiss, about the wedding, about whatever the future may be. She needed to focus on something else. A book. A book was what she needed. A book that would put her to sleep. She pulled on her robe and tiptoed to the door, careful not to wake Edwina who had always slept like the dead. She grabbed a candle and slid her feet into a pair of slippers. She moved quietly into the hall and looked this way and that before carefully shutting the door behind her, trying not to make any noise. A single lantern lit the hall, so she walked over and flipped the lid of the lantern to light her wick. Once the flame was steady, she started walking toward the stairs and toward the rather large library that she had seen downstairs. She made sure to pause at every corner and check carefully for passers-by.

A few minutes later, she was there, peering at the titles of the nearest bookcase. It seemed to be the philosophy section. Definitely not. As she was moving to other bookcase, a lightening lit up the room. Usually in this case, she would be hiding under the sheets of her bed, or under a desk or a table, her legs folded up, her arms about her knees, waiting in terror until the storm ended. This storm could be different, right? Now that she had shared her fears, it should feel better than before. Kate believed so.

Meanwhile, Anthony was in his study. He had a long day but he thought it would be better to work instead of going to sleep. This way he believed he could concentrate on something else and not on Kate, or the kiss, or the fact that she was going to be his wife and all that actually implied. And then, it started raining, and despite the thunder and lightings, he was sleepy. It was definitely time for bed. With any luck, he’d fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. With a yawn, Anthony got up from behind his desk and stretched his arms. He picked up a candle and headed out. He noticed a light shining from within the library whose door was a few inches ajar. One of his brows rose up in question. Someone must have gone in for a book and left a candle burning.

He entered the room and saw the candle on a table. And as he reached for it, a flash of lightning lit up the room. At that moment, he saw her sitting in front of the wall of the library that was taken up by tall windows. Was he always to find her in the least expected place?

Before he could call her name, the entire room exploded with a dull boom of thunder and he saw her shaking as a tremor ran through her body.

“Kate,” he said but there was no answer. He remembered her saying she was afraid of storms. This was definitely not the right place to be if one was afraid of them. The windows offered a perfect view and also made the sound of the rain much louder.

He sat next to her and only then she turned her face and met his gaze.

“You scared me,” Kate said. How could he always find her? Kate didn’t fancy the idea of being alone with him. After the kiss, she felt something was different, and she freely admitted that it frightened her. Which was normal, right? People always feared what they didn’t understand and Kate wasn’t an expert on what she was feeling for Anthony. She didn’t even dare to name the feeling. Was it desire? Was it lust? The same that Anthony felt for her. Either way, this was way to new for her to feel comfortable around him.

“I thought it was the thunder that scared you,” Anthony said.

“Oh! You mean the tremor. This is nothing. Some other time you would have found me under the table curled up into a ball, with my eyes closed, shaking until the storm stopped. I hated what it made me feel. I used to believe there was just no way I could feel that awful and live to see the next day despite having survived a lot of storms. Today that changed. I’m actually looking at the storm, occasionally shaking when a thunder crashes, extremely sure that I’m going to survive this,” Kate shared and Anthony was half jealous, half happy for her. She had got rid of her fear.

“What changed?” Anthony asked.

“After talking with you about it, I decided to talk with Mary. She told me something I didn’t remember from when I was three that explained why I was afraid of storms. It was no longer an irrational fear and somehow that changed everything. I believe that what is not understood can be scarier than what it is. Understanding something can give you a sense of control, which is probably why women don’t have access to the same education as men. Less education, less control, less freedom,” Kate said, not only thinking in the education of a scholar which Edwina wished but also thinking in all the experience Anthony and every men was allowed and that made them felt confidence when dealing with feelings such as the one Kate was experiencing right now.

“Can I ask what happened when you were three?” Anthony asked surprised by the depth of his curiosity.

“My mother died on my third birthday. It was lung disease. Since she fell ill until she died, it rained the whole time. I was in her room when it happened and it was terrifying. A lightening lit up the room, she sat upright, her mouth was open as if she were screaming and then the thunder came and I screamed calling her name. A bolt of lightning severed a branch from a tree, and it crashed right through the windows. There was glass everywhere, and wind, and rain, and thunder, and more lightning. And my mother was dead and I didn’t even know what it meant so I tried to wake her up. It was not the sort of thing a child should see. That was what Mary said, but if you ask me, I would say it was not the sort of thing anyone should see. Of course, my father tried to make me leave the room, but I wouldn’t. They couldn’t move me until I was asleep. Don’t look me that way,” Kate said and Anthony moved closer and took one of her hands in his. Could he stop caring about her? “Even now that I know what happened, I still don’t remember it. I don’t remember my mother, either. It’s an odd thing. My father married Mary only a few months later. I lost my mother, but I gained Mary. And a sister I love dearly.” Anthony’s hand tightened on hers. It was killing him to know that she went through such torment.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“It’s all right,” she assured him.

“Do you miss a parent you never knew?” he whispered. Of course he was curious about that, he was certain he was going to die young, and shall they have children, they might not even remember him.

Kate considered his question for a minute. Something about her childhood clearly rang a chord within his heart. Maybe it was because of his siblings, not all of them must remember their father. His mother was pregnant when he died so one of them didn’t even get to meet him.

“Yes, of course you can miss a parent you never knew. But it’s different than missing a parent you knew. I have both experiences. When you have memories, you miss what you used to have, and when you don’t, what you miss are what-if scenarios. You miss what you could have had. I guess what you can’t avoid if the importance and the impact they have on your life, whether you remember them or not. In the case of a father you remember, you will have the things you believe everyone should experience and the things you would like to avoid repeating. In the case of a parent you don’t remember, well, it’s not the same. What happened with my mother might have been traumatic but just as I didn’t have memories of that and yet if affected me, I’m sure she has a lot of positive influence that would explain the way I’m right now. For instance, Mary told me that I’ve always loved to be outdoors and that my father told her that my mother used to bring my cradle outside and rock me in the fresh air. But maybe, it was the other way around. Maybe I love to be outdoors only because my mother used to bring my cradle outside and rock me in the fresh air. Just because I’m not conscious of her memories, it doesn’t mean I don’t have any of them. My memories of her might be somewhere else, like in my body, in my habits, in the things I like, in the things I dislike, in parts of me that I can’t even start to imagine. I guess in both cases, even when they have passed away, they still live somehow in us. Does this make any sense?” Kate asked.

“It makes a great deal of sense. Might I know what you are doing here? Did you come to the library to watch the storm and make sure you were no longer scared of it?” Anthony asked.

“No, it wasn’t raining when I came. I just wanted a book that would put me to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about us, about our wedding. You seem so calm about it. Maybe talking with you could calm me down. Certainly, I have talked enough about myself. Now you could do the talking and answer my questions. Does your fear of love only include romantic love? I guess what I want to know is what you think about having kids. Would they be attachments you should avoid so that the great beyond would hold no terror?” Kate asked and Anthony sighted.

“Do we have to discuss my fear of love again?” Anthony asked.

“Well, we were discussing my fear of storms again just a minute ago,” Kate exclaimed.

“We were discussing the fact that you have overcome it, which is not my case,” Anthony said and Kate wished that when he was ready to face his fears, she could be of help.

“If it weren’t for our previous conversation, I wouldn’t have talked with Mary and overcome my fear. I just wanted to return the favour. But we don’t have to discuss it. My question still stands. Isn’t it a legitimate question if I ask my future husband what kind of parent he wants to be?” Kate asked.

_Return the favour?_ If she knew she was in fact a problem, in terms of his fear…

“You’re right. My father was great. He spent a lot of time with us. He was the finest father a boy could ever want. We all loved him and I would always try to be as great as him. What about you?” Anthony asked.

“Mine was also a great father. My mother used to play the sitar which was odd considering she was a woman. Of course, I don’t have memories of it but she only played it in front of us. My father was so determined that I should learn how to play it as he wanted me to have a connection with her, that he tried to learn it himself to pass the knowledge to me because he couldn’t find a teacher. His intention might have been noble but that didn’t help his technique. Luckily for us, eventually he stopped trying,” Kate said.

“He sounds great. But I meant how do you picture yourself as a mother,” Anthony said.

“Oh. I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Until yesterday, I believed I wasn’t going to get married so I wasn’t worried about becoming a mother. It’s not like I never thought about it. When I was a little girl, I probably wanted to become one in the future. It is what is expected from us, after all. What else could one wish for? To be ruined in terms of money or reputation? That doesn’t have a lot of appeal. Although lately, I started to believed that it was better to be poor than trapped in a marriage with the wrong person,” Kate said.

“You didn’t want to be a mother? Don’t you like kids?” Anthony asked. One of the advantages of marrying Kate was that he expected her to be a great mother for their children. He was certainly going to die young but at least he knew their kids would have her.

“I wouldn’t have married just to be a mother. If that means I didn’t want to be a mother, then I didn’t. Liking kids is just not enough to be a mother. Or even to wish to be a mother. I like kids but even now that I’m supposed to get married and the possibility of motherhood seems so real, I have mixed feelings about it. I can’t imagine loving your kid since finding out you’re pregnant and then the baby is born and that will be the moment you find out the sex and depending on it, her or his rights. I don’t know if it is only because I belong to the less-privileged sex, but that doesn’t seem right to me,” Kate said.

“When you put it like that, one could hardly disagree. And even if you haven’t thought about it, I believe you would be a great mother” Anthony said.

“Thank you. What I have been thinking are my conditions to be not miserably married. Should we-?” Kate was interrupted by the sound of a thunder that made her cringe.

Anthony wrapped his arm around her trembling shoulders. Kate felt something inside of her melted as she was looking at him. He was staring at her intently. She knew she was saying something but she couldn’t remember what. Was she to lost control every time he was near? She didn’t realise she was holding her breath until she let out a long exhale. How could she feel like this when she had been comfortable around him just a minute ago? When did she forget this was not a good idea? She couldn’t help but wonder if she was ever to overcome this feeling.

“I think I might be ready to go upstairs,” Kate said feeling like a coward.

His lips quirked into a boyish smile and Kate licked nervously at her lips. He was so good at this, whatever this was.

“Will you be able to sleep?” he asked softly. “It’s still raining.”

Kate swallowed. The rain was never the problem today and not sleeping was hardly a problem for her compared to this.

“I won’t know until I try,” Kate said as he stood.

Kate smiled as she took his helping hand and rose to her feet. Funny how they were inside, protected from the storm and she still could feel the electricity in his touch.

“I’m afraid I cannot walk you back to your room. If someone should come across us at this hour… especially with you dressed like that….” he whispered motioning to her. Kate felt her face flush as she frowned. She resisted the urge to yank her robe more tightly around her.

“I know. Getting trapped into marriage for no good reason twice in the same day is not a record anyone would want to set,” Kate said.

“What about kissing twice?” Anthony asked. His voice was low and intense. Kate widened her eyes in shock. She hated the fact that she couldn’t trust her common sense when he was near. Some part of her wanted it to be a good idea, while some other part disagreed.

Kate turned around to face the doorway. She moved forward and when she reached it, she stopped to peer out into the hall. Anthony was sure she was about to leave. Kate wasn’t sure of anything except perhaps the fact that if she left without kissing him, she would think about that all night instead of sleeping. And if there was something she could do to prevent that, she had no choice but to do it, right?

After checking the hall was empty, she turned around to face him and walked his way, as she always did when she had a destination. Was that surprise on his face? Maybe that would be enough reason not to regret this later.

Kate stopped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Anthony placed his hands on her waist and drew her to him. They stared into each other's eyes. The desire in his eyes matched the fire burning inside her. Her heart was beating fast with anticipation. And then they kissed and Kate wondered how could someone feel something that intense and live to see the next day. She knew she was going to live but that didn’t prevent her from being fascinated by the strength it implied.


	9. Something more

When Kate woke up the next morning, or to be more precise, when she was woken up by Edwina, she felt she had had the best sleep ever.

“You can’t spend the day in your bed! It’s such a beautiful day! Bright and clear. I’m sure wet grass won’t stop you from going outside. It seems like it rained last night,” Edwina said. Thunders would usually wake up Kate but never Edwina.

“Edwina, am I engaged to be married with Viscount Bridgerton?” Kate asked. She had to ask despite the obvious outcome, Edwina’s laughter.

“Oh my God, Kate! Do you believe it to be a dream or a nightmare?” Edwina asked.

“Only time will tell,” Kate answered.

“Well, considering the smile you had on your face while sleeping, the one that didn’t fade despite my best efforts to wake you up, I dare say you believe it to be a dream,” Edwina said.

Kate threw her pillow at her, and Edwina grabbed it, laughing.

Kate didn’t see Anthony during the morning. She expended it with Lady Bridgerton who gave her a tour not only of her gardens but the entire house. She also introduced her to the servants. Everyone seemed to like Lady Bridgerton. If Cressida was right about anything, it was the fact that Lady Bridgerton was kind-hearted. When Kate finally found herself free, she was exhausted. It took her a lot of effort to concentrate on her way, on the conversations, on people’s names, when her mind was elsewhere. The worst part of it was that she liked where her mind was going, but clearly it wasn’t the place or time and she had to remind herself of that constantly. There was one particular conversation that caught her attention. One of the servants commented that he had never seen Lord Bridgerton happier and that he clearly was a man in love. Really? What was clear was that she was the only one that knew about his fear.

After lunch, the party was divided between those who’d rather stay in the drawing room and the outdoor enthusiasts, those who went to the village for shopping purposes or those who went the lake. Kate didn’t like shopping and she had already visited the lake. And what she really wanted was to be alone. It was nice being alone, where no one was going to comment on her future marriage and where she could let her mind be.

She decided the best place for her to be, where she might be left to her own company, was Lady Bridgerton’s gardens. As she couldn’t sit on the floor she found herself a quiet spot on a bench near the rose arbour. She lay dawn on the bench, her hands on her belly, her legs hanging off the edge and her feet touching the ground. The stone was cold and just a little bit damp. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun with a smile on her face.

Anthony was so happy early in the morning that he might have felt the staring glances of the servants. That was enough to be convinced that leaving early was a good decision considering he would like to avoid the teasing from his brothers.

The smile which he waked up hadn’t faded when he returned to Aubrey Hall after spending much of the day visiting tenants and listening to their problems. He had settled disputes, admired new babies, helped to fix a leaky roof. After sharing the news of his engagement, everyone reacted the same way, being overjoyed that he was finally settling down. First they congratulated him and then everyone commented they have never seen him happier and that he seemed so deeply in love. That made him happy. And it didn’t take him long to recognize they were right. He’d tried not to fall in love, and he’d failed. And suddenly it was simple. Since he wasn’t likely to fall back out of love, he might as well make the best of the situation. He had to tell Kate that he loved her. He loved Kate. The bane of his existence. The object of his desires. All at once. He was going to be haunted by the premonition of his own death whether or not Kate knew of his love for her. Wouldn’t he be happier during these last few years if he spent them loving her openly and honestly? He wouldn’t tell her he was sure he couldn’t live more years than his father had. What would be the point? He might suffer the knowledge that their time together would be cut short, but why should she? He was going to enjoy his last years with every breath of his being.

Before stepping into his house, he decided to walk along his mother’s gardens because he somehow knew what he would see. He expected to see Kate and he knew he had to join her.

Kate was enjoying her solitude. She was enjoying herself very much, replaying the kiss from last night in her mind. The way he looked at her. The sensation of his hands caressing her back as the kiss deepened. The way his hands reached her bottom, picking her up and sitting her on the table. The pressure of his body against hers. The warmth of his skin against hers as her hands found their way to the back of his neck. How it seemed she was touching silk when she slid her fingers into his hair. The feeling of his mouth leaving hers to trail across her jawline. The sound of their erratic breathing. Kate was surprised to feel the same sensation of pleasure she felt last night, growing between her legs. She placed her fingertips on her lips and started tracing with them the same path Anthony had traced with kisses. She remembered the way he pulled her closer. His voice, low and smooth, calling her name. His voice calling her name? That’s not –. Kate sat bolt upright in the bench, her eyes wide opened.

As Anthony was walking, he saw Kate lying on a bench. He stared at her. The way she was biting her lip. She was perfect. His future wife was the most beautiful woman on earth. She was caressing her neck with her fingertips and Anthony wished to be her hand. He felt he was interrupting something intimate but she was outside and anyone could have found her. He could not take his eyes off of her. He called her name, but it seemed like she didn’t hear. And then suddenly Kate stood as if she had just awakened.

“Anthony,” Kate blurted out feeling her face flush. “What are you doing here?”

His lips curved with the barest hint of a smile. “I thought I might find you here.”

Her eyes widened at the realization that he’d deliberately sought her out. Maybe it was because she´d have avoided him, if she could. What they have shared yesterday was more than a kiss. She had obviously enjoyed it but she felt a little bit ignorant to know where she shall draw boundaries and maybe a little too bit in love to even care. That was the only logic explanation to the fact that he trusted him so much, despite barely knowing him. And yet she believed him to be one of the nicest persons she has met. She was doomed.

“What were you doing?” Anthony asked. One of his brows lifted, and his face suddenly took on a very wicked expression. He was the worst! As if the situation itself wasn’t already embarrassing.

“Do you want me to ask you what did you do when I left the library?” Kate asked back. He was the one to draw the boundary last night. She wasn’t so wrong in trusting him, right? But he seemed so eager to see her leave, like he needed time for his own. Was there a way he knew to put out the fire they were feeling? She was so unexperienced. She hated that feeling. Anthony even knew how to avoid love. Love was avoidable for him while she couldn’t help falling in love with him.

“I guess we can both live with the doubt. Were you able to sleep last night?” Anthony asked.

“I did. I was able to sleep despite the thunders,” she said. It was true. That used to happen only to Edwina. “Was that the reason why you came to me? You were worried about my sleep. Who would have guessed you were such a nice person?”

“Nice seems so bland,” he mused and Kate smiled. Didn’t he like to be complimented?

“Nice seems great when one is describing her future husband. And given what I used to think of you, you ought to be delighted by the compliment,” Kate said and Anthony smiled.

“Surely, it takes more than just being nice,” Anthony said. One of her brows lifted. So that was why he was searching for her…

“My conditions! I forgot I had to tell you! Was that part of the reason you were looking for me?” Kate asked.

“I want to hear you but I was hoping to find you because there’s something I need to tell you,” Anthony said and Kate was already intrigued.

“I’m listening,” Kate said.

Before Anthony could say anything, they heard noises of people coming their way. They turned around and saw the Duke and Duchess of Hastings approaching. They were steadily gazing at each other, as if absorbed in their own private world, oblivious to everything around them, including Anthony and Kate. Kate thought they were the image of love itself. She wasn’t the kind of person that would feel envy of love. Usually when she recognised it in a couple, she used to wish Edwina to find something like it. Only because she thought Edwina wanted to marry. And it shocked her when she realised than even now, that she was in love with her future husband who feared love and was able to avoid it, she was fine with it. She wished nothing more than what she had. She was happy in her own way.

Anthony didn’t look happy that they were interrupted. After greetings were said, they went to the house. Kate believed Anthony was going to tell her whatever he wanted to say, later. But the rest of the day they found themselves busy in conversation with other people. Whenever they were in the same room, they were stealing glances at each other like waiting for the right moment. But the moment didn’t come. The good news were that Kate didn’t have to worry about controlling herself and she didn’t have to put up with a lot of comments since most of the time, she expended it with Mary and Lady Bridgerton who were eager to plan their wedding. Anthony only tried to interrupt them once and when he saw there was no chance of kidnapping Kate in front of their eyes, he left her with them, saving himself from the boring conversation. Well, it wasn’t that the conversation was boring but Kate didn’t like organizing parties and she couldn’t care less about the details of their wedding. She would like the most simple and small wedding ceremony. But Mary and Lady Bridgerton were talking between each other, and even if they wanted her presence, her opinion wasn’t as important to them. Kate had also tried to leave them when she went to get a glass of lemonade but that exposed her to comments.

“My goodness, you were lucky,” said Lady Cowper. She actually approached her just to tell her that. Cressida, for her part, did not say two words to Kate, just sulked in her place glaring daggers in her direction. Mary wasn’t there to poke her in the side as she used to do so that Kate would answer politely “I am a fortunate girl” and Kate was there holding a big fake smile but words wouldn’t leave her mouth.

Anthony was about to leave her brothers when he saw Kate was leaving their mothers behind, but he wasn’t fast enough.

Luckily for Lady Cowper, Eloise came to the rescue, saving her for whatever Kate could have said.

“Lady Cowper. Miss Cowper. I’m sorry to interrupt but Kate, your presence is required by your mother,” Eloise said but then she guided her outside where Penelope and Edwina were waiting for them..

“You will tell us everything?” Penelope asked and Kate laughed.

“What’s there to tell? I wanted to share the news with you yesterday but now everyone knows,” Kate said.

“Why are you marrying him? Is it because you want to have children or there’s some other reason?” Eloise asked with disgust in her face.

“How did he propose?” Penelope added and suddenly Kate wondered if it wouldn’t have been better staying with Lady Cowper. She considered telling them about the bee.

“It was more like an accident. We were returning to the house, I lost my balance and Anthony prevented me to fall and it looked like we were embracing each other, which of course was not the case, and we were caught by Penelope’s and your mother. That’s the reason we’re marrying,” Kate said.

“But you do love him!” Edwina exclaimed. She used to be so sure that was true because what other reason Kate would have to marry. But now that there was another reason, what if she had been wrong all this time? It was a horrible alternative.

“Yes, I do. But that doesn’t change the fact that this shouldn’t happen, that it should be my decision whether I want to marry; who and when I want to marry. And while this situation doesn’t change, you need to be extremely careful not to put yourselves in a situation where anyone would have the power to decide for you,” Kate said.

“But you are happy, right?” Penelope asked worried about her friend.

“I am happy. You shouldn’t worry about me. Haven’t you listened people’s comments? _I am lucky_ ,” Kate said.

“Thank God! I don’t even know how we could have fixed it if you were miserable. And would you tell us?” Eloise asked.

“I believe I have just told you everything I had to say. What else could I tell you?” Kate asked.

“You know. What’s the conjugal act? How one gets pregnant? That kind of stuff,” Eloise said.

“Everything we should know but no one tells us,” Penelope said.

“You know I probably have as many doubts as you,” Kate said.

“Of course,” Edwina said.

“But soon, that will change and you won’t have as many doubts as us,” Eloise said.

“Yours mothers would kill me. Your brother would kill me,” Kate said, considering the possibility.

“No one is going to kill you. It’s not like we will tell them. It’s the right thing to do and you know it. We should have the right to know,” Eloise said almost begging.

“I can’t disagree with that. Have you tried asking the Duchess of Hastings? I wouldn’t ask her but she’s not my sister,” Kate said.

“We love each other, but we don’t have that much in common,” Eloise said.

“I’m sure you have more in common than you think. Maybe all of us have more in common that what we think. I know I shouldn’t tell you this, just as I probably shouldn’t tell you what you asked, but in this case I shouldn’t because it’s not my secret to share… Your sister helped Marina without any obligation, despite what she did to her brother. I don’t know why she did it, but I guess she was able to see that she was also a victim of this society where we are treated as less than a man,” Kate shared.

Penelope seemed more shocked than Eloise. Daphne by helping Marine, helped her entire family.

“We might not have rights but we have each other and I’m sure together we’re strong enough to change society even if it’s gradually and it takes a lot of little steps,” Penelope said. They were a net. They were all connected as if they were all sisters. She remembered Eloise trying to uncover Lady Whistledown to save her family. Marina accepted Sir Phillip’s proposal, trying to give her kid a better future. Every woman Penelope knew was doing their best in such impossible conditions. “You know what? I don’t think little steps would describe me either. We can think bigger. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this either but I’m Lady Whistledown.”

And even though Kate knew, her eyes widened in shock. She wasn’t expecting that confession. None of them were expecting it.

The day ended and Anthony hadn’t told Kate what he wanted to tell her. He was in his bed but he couldn’t sleep thinking that.

Kate was so excited when she went to bed that once again she couldn’t sleep. What an amazing day! She felt she had witnessed the start of something new, something big. She felt part of something bigger than herself. How could she sleep knowing that? But she needed to sleep and she had tried but again, it wasn’t working and so, she did the same she had done last night. She pulled on her robe and tiptoed to the door, careful not to wake Edwina. She grabbed a candle and slid her feet into a pair of slippers. She moved quietly into the hall and looked this way and that before carefully shutting the door behind her, trying not to make any noise. She walked to the single lantern that lit the hall and flipped the lid of the lantern to light her wick. Once the flame was steady, she started walking toward the stairs and then she went to the kitchen. Maybe a glass of warm milk would help her sleep.

Even before drinking her warm milk, Kate started to feel tired and sleepy. She sat on the table and then something that should have surprised her happened.

“You weren’t able to sleep?” Anthony asked as he entered in the kitchen. This was starting to feel natural.

“No, I couldn’t sleep. What about you?” Kate asked.

“I couldn’t either,” Anthony said.

“Do you want some milk?” Kate asked offering him the glass after drinking a sip. Anthony grabbed it, touching her hand in the process and Kate wished time would stop that very second. She loved the touch of his hand on her bare skin and she missed it the moment he let go and took a sip.

“It’s warm,” he said. He was so close. How would he react if she told him she loved him? Did he only fear to love or did he also fear being loved? She should have asked before. Now it would be odd.

“Would you prefer it cold?” Kate asked. Anthony was staring at her like she was some kind of mystery to be solved.

“No. It just… Did you warm it?” Anthony asked. He was surprised.

“Of course. I wouldn’t wake anyone just to drink warm milk. I’d rather drink it cold. Why are you looking me like that that?” Kate asked.

“I need to tell you something,” Anthony said. He moved even closer, right in front of her and Kate sucked in her breath.

She felt her thighs spread of their own accord, inviting him closer. And so he did. She should add to her conditions _avoid each other until the wedding day_. But here she was losing her mind, feeling the pressure of his body against hers and a beating pulse between her thighs. Her legs felt like jelly. He rested his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes.

“I overcame my fear of love,” Anthony said. Kate’s eyes widened and her lips parted in astonishment. Oh my God! What did that mean?


End file.
